


Hold You In My Arms

by AngelsFallFirst



Series: IWEMA/NAA/HYIMA [3]
Category: Nightwish
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-09-06 16:51:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 35,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8761153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelsFallFirst/pseuds/AngelsFallFirst
Summary: 5 years after Not An Angel;Part 3 of the If We Ever Meet Again series***Tarja returns to Finland for the last time and this time it's forever.But why? And what happened between Tuomas and Johanna? And will Naomi finally be happy?***3/3





	1. Chapter 1

A/N:

Some time ago I decided to write a third and last part of this series, so here it is :)

Short reminder:

If We Ever Meet Again (1):  
Tarja met Tuomas coincidentally in Kitee and Tuomas noticed that he still had feelings for her, even though he was engaged to Johanna to that time. Tarja and Tuomas slept with each other in the end of part One, but Tuomas married Johanna because Tarja had fled.

Not An Angel (2):  
Tarja got pregnant - from Tuomas. She fled to Finland because Marcelo didn't want the baby after he had found out and Tuomas and Tarja went on with cheating on their partners until Johanna found out about everything. In the end Tarja gave the baby boy, Jan, to Tuomas and Johanna and went back to Marcelo.

Hold You In My Arms (3):  
Read and find out. Hope you'll like it ... :)

~

 

Prologue

May 3rd 2021

Tarja started the engine and sighed. She had done it. Finally she had done it.  
She had divorced Marcelo. She would never see him again. Never.  
"Mum?" the soft voice of her daughter brought her back and she smiled at the young girl.  
"Yes, honey?"  
"Where are we going now? You said you'd tell me after this ..."  
Naomi was strong. She hadn't cried not a single time. Naomi was smart, she had understood.  
"We'll go back to Finland," Tarja answered. "There is so much I have to do back there."  
Naomi leaned against the window of the car and closed her eyes. "I don't want to move again," she mumbled. "Not now ... I haven't even finished my fourth year at school."  
"Finland has good schools too, even better ones than Spain has," Tarja said. "Come on, Namu. You love Finland -"  
"Yes, when we visited grandmother. When I had holidays."  
"Don't talk about my mother," Tarja said softly. "Please, Namu, I have no strength for this."  
"But you were strong enough to tell my father to fuck off in front of your lawyers." Naomi muttered and closed her eyes. "Please be quiet now, I want to mourn."  
Tarja smiled. This girl was just like her.  
And soon they'd live in Kitee - close to Tuomas and Johanna. And Jan.  
Tarja's heart started racing when she thought of the boy that had won her heart over the last years. Tuomas had sent her enough pictures of this blonde child with the greenest eyes Tarja had ever seen besides on herself. Her own green eyes. A perfect mixture between herself and Tuomas.  
... Tuomas.  
Tarja couldn't wait to surprise him with her return. She couldn't even wait to see Johanna again!  
Tarja was happy that she had finally managed to get over her feelings for both Tuomas and Marcelo. Men! Tarja had promised herself not to fall in love again.  
Tuomas had hurt her more than one time and so had Marcelo. Tuomas had only hurt her verbally, while Marcelo had hurt her physically.  
But Tarja was a strong and independent woman, she was a successful singer and now she was her own manager. She was a proud mother and even though she slowly aged, she aged with grace and got more beautiful with every day.  
So who needed men? Especially a man who cheated on his wife with his secretary several times to never make her forget that she had gotten pregnant from her best friend and former bandmate.  
And a man who came home drunk in the middle of the night, waking up his wife and making love to her so roughly and without love that she started crying.  
A man who slapped her afterwards, threatening to do it her again if she didn't stop crying. And a man who fulfilled this threat night after night until she had enough and told him she wanted a divorce ... after 17 years of marriage. 17!  
Tarja clenched the steering wheel. Never had she told anyone about what Marcelo had done to her over the last two years and she hoped that Naomi had never heard her cries as she had crawled to the bathroom, washing her wounds again.  
She couldn't wait to see Tuomas again.  
Boy, if she only knew what their reunion would do to her ...


	2. Chapter 2

May 5th

"Daddy?" the boy sighed and snuggled into his father's arms.  
"Yes?" Tuomas asked and kissed the blonde boy's head. "Are you tired?"  
"Mhm ..." Jan closed his eyes. "I can't go on ... I'm sorry."  
"It's okay," Tuomas said and smiled at his son. "Let's stop for today?"  
"Yes," Jan mumbled. "It's too exhausting."  
Tuomas smiled. Sure he was proud at his little son even though he couldn't help but wish he was more interested in playing piano ... Like him.  
The young boy loved to draw and sing - which amused Tuomas a lot. He enjoyed to sing even more than doing anything else ... He didn't wonder where he had that from.  
Tuomas lifted his son away from the piano, carrying him to his little bed.  
He kissed the young boy's head, told him to sleep well, told him he shouldn't worry, his piano playing would get better soon, and went out of the room.  
"Dad?"  
Tuomas turned around and looked at the sleepy face of his son. "Yes?"  
"Tell me about Mommy again."

Tuomas fell back on the couch, finally allowing himself to let his tears flow.  
Tell me about Mommy.  
Tuomas never thought of Johanna when he told his son about his 'Mommy'.  
"Well, she has a wonderful sense of humour," Tuomas mumbled his words from before. "Her smile makes my sun rise, her laugh brightens my day, her eyes are my paradise ... She is the most beautiful woman on this earth. And I miss her so much."  
Jan had sighed. "Will she ever return?" he had asked and Tuomas had nodded. "Of course," he had said but now he was shaking his head.  
"I don't think so ..." he mumbled. "I don't think she'll come back ... They. They won't come back."  
Tuomas clenched his fists. Every time he loved someone, this person just ... vanished.  
He poured himself a glass of red wine ... He did every evening. There was no evening without a glass of red wine.  
Tarja. Johanna. The most important women in his life had left him. No one wanted him. No one needed him ...  
No, that wasn't true.  
Tuomas opened his eyes. "Jan needs me now," he whispered.  
He loved the boy from the bottom of his heart. Everyone did, his band, his family, everyone loved the little Holopainen kid. But there was something that tore his heart apart when he looked at his son:  
His eyes.  
The same eyes he had fallen in love with, the same eyes he had looked into while he had created this little miracle, the same eyes that had Johanna told to go away.  
Well, not directly.  
Tuomas didn't know what had possessed her to do so, she had loved the baby a lot. She had treated him like her own son.  
But one day, when Jan had been about two years, Tuomas had woken up and found a little note on Johanna's pillow.  
I can't, Tuomas. Every time I look at Jan, I see Tarja. And every time you look at Jan, I see how much you love him. And I know you also have to think of Tarja every time you look at him. You still love Tarja. You will never stop loving her. She was your first love!  
Well, I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry. I love you, I love you both but ... I know you will never see me as your soulmate. I need some space... I love you. Jo.  
Since then she hadn't returned.  
But she had been right, Tuomas still loved Tarja.  
But she would never -  
Tuomas couldn't even finish thinking, as the doorbell rang all of a sudden. A little confused he stood up and walked towards the door. He turned the keys, opened the door and looked right into the face of ...  
Tarja.

Tarja smiled as he opened. What a melancholic, beautiful face. Sad. A little scared. Shy. He hadn't changed.  
And the second he realised which face he was looking into, his sadness faded and love took over.  
After another second, he had grabbed her, pulled her into his arms, and hugged her tight.

Tarja. She was here. She was here! She had returned!!  
"Am I dreaming?" he whispered into her ear while he inhaled her scent. "Can this be my beautiful woman? Can this be my queen? Can this be the woman whom I missed more than anything? I can smell her wonderful scent, but I'm not sure she's really here."  
Tarja pulled away, laughing. "You're so stupid," she said and smiled. "It's me, I'm really here. Namu is here as well, she's waiting inside the taxi. Can we stay for a few days?"  
"I'm having a déjà vu," Tuomas said and eyes Tarja from head to toe. "Are you pregnant?"  
"I'm not, thank god," Tarja chuckled. "So, can we stay?"  
"Sure," Tuomas said. "I'll - I'll prepare the guest room."  
"Great, kiitoksia. Meanwhile I'll get Naomi."  
"Okay. Just come inside, then," Tuomas said and walked inside again. Was it for real? Somehow Tuomas was sure he was dreaming. He prepared the guest room for mother and daughter and walked back to the door, intending to help Tarja with her suitcase.  
"Hello, Tuomas."  
Tuomas looked at the young girl stunned. She was precious. Simply beautiful. Her skin tone was dark, well, way darker than her mother's (of course) but her face looked like Tarja. Especially the high, remarkable cheekbones and her nose and lips.  
"Hi, Naomi," Tuomas said with a smile, but the girl didn't reply his smile.  
"Hello," she said again and nodded at him. "Thank you for letting us stay."  
She was so serious ... Tuomas got a little sad as he thought about what this girl had to bear in her life.  
"No problem," he said softly. "How are you?"  
"I'm fine, thanks," Naomi said and with her dark brown eyes she looked right into Tuomas' icy blue ones. "Where can I sleep?"  
"I'll show you, come on."

"She's angry at me," Tarja sighed.  
Her head was lying on Tuomas' lap while he caressed her hair and face gently. After they had clinked their glasses of wine, they had sunken into a deep conversation and now, after half an hour, they were caressing each other as if they had never parted. "She hates me because I always make her move, because I made her leave her father ..."  
"I'm sure she doesn't hate you," Tuomas said gently. "How could she hate you?" He couldn't believe it. It was over between her and Marcelo! Officially! They had even fought for Naomi's custody! And this time Tarja had won. Tuomas was so happy for her, especially after what had happened five years ago. When Tarja had thought that Marcelo would take their daughter from her.  
"I don't know," Tarja whispered and closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling that Tuomas gave her when he stroke over her face. "All I know is that I felt like a betrayer when I told Marcelo I wanted to divorce him. But ... I think he understood."  
Tuomas pushed a strand of Tarja's dark hair behind her ear. "May I ask you why ...?"  
"Turned out he didn't forgive me for cheating on him. Her name's Lucia and she's his secretary."  
"Oh," Tuomas said. Wow. How could someone cheat on Tarja? Especially someone like Marcelo, who should be GLAD to have someone like her in his life. "Sorry."  
"It's my fault," Tarja sighed. "Sometimes I think back and ... I just think of what would have happened if I had told you that I had been in love with you when we were teenagers and that it was over ... I shouldn't have kissed you. We shouldn't have made love."  
"Tarja!" Tuomas said and cupped the singer's face. "Do you know who's sleeping inside this room?" He pointed towards the door of Jan's room. "Our son. Ours! Tarja, he's the most beautiful, talented, amazing boy on this earth. He's us, partly you, partly me. Do you see why I love him? Do you see why I don't regret all of this?"  
Tarja smiled. "Wow. You're a wonderful daddy."  
"I guess I am," Tuomas said gently and smiled, his finger still trailing some light crinkles of his woman's face. "I mean, he's a wonderful boy. I'm trying to teach him how to play the piano, but in this way he comes after you. He plays the flute and he's singing all day long."  
"Really?" Tarja asked and looked up to him. "He comes after me? Wow ..."  
"He's wonderful," Tuomas said again. Now he trailed his hand along her jawline, went deeper to caress her throat, went up to her ear again. He loved her ears so, so much.  
"Tuo?" Tarja suddenly said. Her eyes were narrowed at him and her lips were quivering. "Where - where is Johanna?"  
"She's gone," Tuomas said softly and Tarja gasped.  
"What?"  
"She left us."  
Tarja stared up to Tuomas. "I can't believe it!"  
"Well ..." Tuomas sighed. "Guess she wasn't ready for a family ..."  
"I don't get it. Last time I saw her she seemed to be really ready. She wanted you and she wanted a baby ..." Tarja shook her head.  
Tuomas bit his lower lip. He was lying to Tarja ... "Yeah ... Sometimes you think you know a person but then he or she surprises you again and again."  
"True," Tarja whispered, avoiding Tuomas' eyes.  
Marcelo, as she found out he was cheating on her. Marcelo, the first time he forced her to have sex with him. Marcelo, as he did it over and over again.  
An awkward silence occurred betweem them and after some minutes, Tarja sat up. She flatted her hair and sighed lightly. "I'll go to Namu, Tuomas. Thanks again for letting us stay."  
"You know me," Tuomas replied softly. "I can't say no to you.  
"Oh, Tuomas," Tarja said gently and kissed his cheek. "Good night," she whispered and walked into the guest room.  
Tuomas stared after her.  
His eyes wandered down her body and he swallowed.  
Yes.  
He still loved her more than anything.

"Good morning, sweetie," Tarja whispered into Naomi's ear, who grunted and turned around. "Breakfast's ready!" Tarja cheered and pulled the blanket away from the slim girl. "And Tuo is waiting ..."  
"Then go to your beloved Tuo," Naomi mumbled and Tarja sighed.  
"Please stand up ... We want to drive somewhere ..."  
"Do that ... Like a happy family. I don't fit into this picture."  
"Namu!" Tarja exclaimed but Naomi didn't react. She just laid there, eyes closed.  
Tarja stroke the girl's head gently, before she stood up and left the bedroom.  
"Naomi is angry at me," she repeated the words from the day before as she sat down at the breakfast table. Suspiciously she eyed the bread that Tuomas had served. "I can't eat that," she then sighed. "Gluten intolerance, remember?"  
"Sorry, I forgot." Tuomas replied. "Mh ... can you eat wholewheat?"  
"I can," Tarja replied and Tuomas went to the kitchen again.  
"Why is she angry?" he called and Tarja opened her mouth to answer - as the door to the dining room opened.  
But instead of Naomi, as Tarja had thought, a beautiful, beautiful boy entered.  
He was blonder than blonde, had a soft and cute face and bright green eyes. He rubbed those meadowy eyes and yawned. "Daddy?" he asked, his voice light and cute. "Who is this woman?"  
Tarja suddenly noticed that her mouth was agape and her eyes were full of tears.  
"Jan?" she whispered and Jan sat down on his bench.  
"That's me. Who are you?"  
He smiled at her with a boyish grin, which reminded her so much of Tuomas.  
Her heart suddenly clenched.  
"I'm ..." 'Your mother ...'  
"Jan, this is Tarja," Tuomas' voice sounded out of the kitchen and a second later he stepped into the dining room. "Her and her daughter will stay here for a while."  
"You have a daughter?" Jan asked and his eyes got wide. "How old is she? Can I play with her?"  
Tarja realised that she had forgotten how to speak. She could only stare at this beautiful, perfect boy.  
"Naomi is nine and I think she'd love to play with you," Tuomas chuckled and rubbed the boy's blonde scalp. Then he looked at the dark haired singer. "Are you alright?" he asked concerned. She looked as if she was about to have a stroke.  
"He's ..." Tarja now whispered. "He's ..."  
"He's what?" Tuomas asked gently while Jan started to drink his cocoa.  
"Perfect," Tarja breathed and looked at Tuomas, her eyes filled with tears.  
"Yeah ..." Tuomas grinned proudly. "We did a great job."  
Tarja was speechless, but then Tuomas took her hand.  
"Welcome to our family," he said softly ... without looking her in the eyes.  
His eyes were all directed to his ... to their son.


	3. Chapter 3

May 6th

"Tuomas ... I have no words," Tarja said later, after the door went close. "Can he be more perfect?"  
Tuomas chuckled. "Do you see now what we can do if we try really hard?"  
"We didn't try, to be honest," Tarja said and rolled her eyes at him.  
"Yes ... but I like to tell myself we did," Tuomas mumbled and Tarja's heart clenched. "You know," he continued with a sigh, "I'd like to tell myself we can be a family ... at least now."  
"You, I and Jan?" Tarja asked.  
"And Naomi," Tuomas answered with a nod. "I missed you so madly those last five years and -" he touched Tarja's hand, but she pulled hers away.  
"Tuomas, I - see, everything changed a little after Jan was born. I slept with half my band -"  
"What?" Tuomas interrupted her. "Really now?? With whom?"  
Tarja sighed again. "You won't tell anyone, right?" Tuomas shook his head.  
"I promise, Tari."  
"Max and Alex. It was pretty bad with Alex, he ... he kinda fell in love with me." (A/N: I'm working on a little side story of this ... hope you're interested! I've already posted it: Hold You In My Arms Side Story)  
"I understand why he did," Tuomas mumbled and Tarja smiled softly.  
"I felt like a whore -" she continued but Tuomas interrupted her.  
"A whore? You slept with half your band, that makes two people. Two. Have you ever slept with foreigners?"  
"Gosh, no!" Tarja exclaimed. "Never."  
"See?" Tuomas said with a smile. "You're no whore." They smiled at each other until Thomas spoke up again. "So do you ... Do you have a boyfriend?"  
Tarja shook her head. "I don't, and right now I don't want a boyfriend. I want to be here for Naomi as much as I can, now, and if you let me, I want to be here for Jan."  
"Of course I'll let you, he is ... he is your child as well," Tuomas answered and for a moment the two got lost in each others eyes.  
Tarja swallowed. She hated to admit this, but those blue eyes still made her heart beat faster. "He is," Tarja said softly and smiled. Again the realisation hit her hard - she was talking to Tuomas alone right now, the father of her son. They had created a new life. And this new life was perfect, cute, beautiful, and currently playing in the living room. "May I ... may I go to him?"  
"You're his mother," Tuomas answered. "Of course you may."

"Can you hold this for a second?" Jan asked and gave Tarja a piece of paper. "I wanted to draw Daddy and you, but I can't find a pencil."  
"I think I have one," Tarja said and started looking for the pen with her logo on. "Here," she said, pulling it out of her bag.  
"Wow, thank you," the blonde boy answered. "What does it say?"  
"Nothing important," Tarja said with a soft smile and watched the boy draw. He was talented, no doubt. So another thing he had inherited from Tuomas.  
"This is you," Jan said. "I tried to draw you as good as I could but you're more beautiful in real." Tarja blushed and pointed at the long haired man next to her.  
"Is this your Daddy? You forgot the beard."  
Jan stared at her and then started laughing. "No! That's auntie Floor!" he exclaimed and now Tarja bursted into laughter as well.  
"Oh!" she said. "Oops!"  
"I'm going to draw you, auntie Floor, Daddy and Mummy." Jan closed his eyes. "If I remember how she looks ..."  
The pain almost tore Tarja's heart apart.  
"You don't remember her looks?" she whispered and the young boy shook his head.  
"I've seen pictures of Daddy and her," he explained. "I remember she has red hair. But that's all I remember." Tarja stood up. "Where are you going, Tari?" the boy asked panicking, making the singer smile down to him.  
"I'll just - I'll be back soon, sweetheart. I have to talk to your Daddy for a minute." And Tarja left the room, determined to ask Tuomas why his son - their son - could not remember his mother's - adoptive mother's - face.  
"Tuomas!" Tarja bellowed as she entered the kitchen and the keyboarder flinched. He still was afraid of the singer - quite a lot.  
"Yes, madame?" he asked nervously and Tarja rolled her eyes.  
"Your son," she said softly. "Why ... why can't he remember how Johanna looks? Why aren't you telling me the whole truth?"  
Tuomas said nothing at first, then he took Tarja's hand.  
"Tarja, please. She left us. She left me ..."  
Tarja shook her head and lifted Tuomas' hand to her face. "You said that already ... But your ring? And why don't you tell him about her?  
"We're not divorced," Tuomas mumbled. "I still love her, I don't want a divorce. And - she hasn't filed the petition for divorce yet either. And I certainly won't."  
"I know it's hard," Tarja sighed. "I needed years until I was ready to tell Marcelo I wanted to divorce him. But -"  
"But you had a reason," Tuomas said seriously and freed his hands from Tarja's grip. "We've been there, Tarja. I might have loved you for years, we might have created a wonderful baby together ... But now I'm over you and I certainly won't do this mistake again. I won't cheat on my wife again, especially not with you. And I don't tell Jan about Johanna because I'm afraid that she will never return. And I want his break to be as clean as possible."  
Tarja just stared at him before she answered with a small pout, "I didn't mean that you should divorce her because of me. I meant - just forget it." Tarja turned around, walking back to Jan. "And I'm over you as well, jerk!" she called back to him.  
But oh, were they lying, both of them.

In the afternoon they took a little walk with Jan, in the beginning they had wanted to take Naomi with them but she had declined. Tuomas had WiFi and she had to text with her friends, that was her reason. Tarja promised her to get a new, Finnish phone contract, but Naomi hadn't even thanked her.  
"I really have no idea what to do," Tarja sighed. "I don't know what her problem with me is."  
"Maybe she misses her father too much," Tuomas said carefully. "Maybe she blames you for everything."  
Tarja bit her lip. "I don't know ... Yeah  probably. Oh, Tuomas ..." She leaned her head against Tuomas' shoulder and then the parents watched their son running around the playground, climbing up the slide, sliding down, laughing, screaming, ...  
"He is so happy," Tuomas said lowly. "Such a happy little boy. I have no idea how I deserve him."  
"You definitely don't," Tarja replied, not taking her eyes from the little boy.  
"Hey," Tuomas chuckled. Why was she so beautiful? Why was she so adorable?  
Tuomas gently touched the crinkles next to her eyes. She was slowly getting older, but she was getting more gorgeous with every day ...  
"Don't," Tarja said and Tuomas took his hand away.  
Why had he lied to her? Why had he said such a hurting sentence like, "Now I'm over you and I certainly won't do this mistake again. I won't cheat on my wife again, especially not with you"? What had possessed him to say so? He'd do everything to make her love him again ...  
"What?" Tarja asked as she noticed his look.  
"Why don't you want a boyfriend?" Tuomas asked and Tarja groaned.  
"I wanna be here for Naomi," Tarja said empathising. "And Jan."  
"And?"  
"What and??" Tarja bellowed. "Nothing. I just don't want that stress again. I mean sure, I could have every man or ... or even woman who wants me but I just don't want to have a new relationship. See, first of all ... who would really love me for the way I am?"  
"Oh, I don't know, you'd be surprised," Tuomas mumbled and Tarja leaned her head against his shoulder again.  
"You think I'd find a man who will love me without those stage clothes and make up and a microphone?" Tarja whispered.  
"I've seen you without clothes a plenty of times," Tuomas chuckled. "Believe me, you're hotter than any woman I've ever seen. And I've also seen you without make up, look, I'm still here."  
Tarja nudged the man, but she laughed.  
"And," Tuomas continued, "the only way to find out if someone would love you without a microphone ... Date, Tarja. Date people and tell them you're a teacher. Or a pharmacist. Or try something new and tell them you're a hairdresser or a nurse. Just something ... less exciting. You could also be a fitness trainer. Or an undertaker!"  
"That's actually a good idea," Tarja said. "Besides the undertaker but ... That's really a good idea! I think I'll try that." Tarja grinned. "But I won't sleep with them, Alex couldn't get away from me after we did it."  
"Why?" Tuomas chuckled. "What did he do?"  
"Well, he told me he would leave his wife for me, told me he wanted to marry me ... It took me months to convince him that it was a one-night-stand and nothing more."  
"Poor him," Tuomas sighed. He could understand the man's feelings, he really could. He had gone through the same.  
"Hey, it's over," Tarja shrugged. "He's over me, you're over me ... I'm over Marcelo, I'm over you ... You're over Johanna ..." Tarja avoided Tuomas' look, trying to watch their son only.  
Their perfect, perfect son.  
"He's coming to school this year," Tuomas said. "Would be great if you could stay close, so his mother would always be near him."  
"Depends on what we'll find," Tarja replied. "If we can go to Tampere or Helsinki, I think we'll go there."  
"Tampere," Tuomas said. "It's ... It's so far away from us."  
"Yeah but I like it there. The concerts I've had there have always been a great success. People like me there."  
"People like you here, Tarja," Tuomas said. "In Kitee."  
"Tuo -"  
"No," Tuomas said and stood up. "Do you actually know why I love it here? I grew up here, Tarja. Nightwish was found here. I met you for the first time, I fell in love for the first time in Kitee ... Which basically happened at the same time." Tarja blushed. "In Kitee I asked you to join my band. We made End Of Innocence here, and most of our albums. In Kitee I danced around a Christmas tree naked while you recorded!" Tarja chuckled. "Look, in Kitee I had my first time, which is not worth a mention. But here I've also had my first concerts as well, here we kissed for the first time, I told you I loved you here and we ... we made this perfect boy inside this town. Here I asked you to marry me. Do you understand what it means to me? All those memories ... Beautiful memories. Especially with you. Everything happened in Kitee. Here we always seemed to be ourselves. In 2005 when we barely talked ... no matter what, in Kitee we did talk. Because we both knew hat we belonged here ... together." Tuomas took Tarja's hand. "In Kitee I told you how beautiful you are right now ..." Tarja smiled gently and look at their entwined hands. "And in Kitee I'll ask you if you want to ... be Jan's real mother by law, not only his biologic mother. I doubt that Johanna is still counting as his mother."  
"W - what?" Tarja whispered. "Are you asking me to have a part of the custody ... for him?"  
"Yes," Tuomas said. "Which will only work if you stay here ... in Kitee. With me and with our son."  
"Wow, this is ... Wow, Tuomas." Tarja swallowed. It was as if he had asked her to marry him again. "Can I think about it?"  
"Sure," Tuomas said. "Meanwhile we could visit the guys, I'm sure they will be thrilled to see you."  
"Oh gosh, okay," Tarja laughed. "Jan?" she called. "We're going home!"

They walked side by side, Jan in the middle of them. Every now and them they lifted him up and let him fly.  
This was so much of a déjà vu to them both, but whether Tarja nor Tuomas said a word.


	4. Chapter 4

May 7th

"Good morning," the cute little voice said and Tarja looked up.  
"Hey, Jan," Tarja said gently. "Slept well?"  
"I did," Jan said. "Did you play the piano last night."  
"Your Dad and I did," Tarja said with a smile. "Did you like it?"  
"Yes!" Jan called. "It was beautiful. Can you play with me one day? Normally Dad does but I think with you it'd be more fun!"  
"Really?" Tarja asked stunned. "Why?"  
"Well because Daddy is my Daddy and you are ... a beautiful lady. And you remind me of my Mommy," the boy added quietly.  
Tarja's heart ached once again.  
"I'm ... not your Mommy," Tarja said, the words barely leaving her mouth. "But if you let me, I want to at least spend some more time with you ..."  
Jan's face lit up and he nodded.  
"What do you wanna do?" he asked and took Tarja's hand. "I could show you my room and my piano ... I have my own piano, you know!"  
"Really?" Tarja asked. "Can you show me?"  
"Sure!" Jan shouted and pulled Tarja towards his bedroom. He had a beautiful bedroom with a aquarium inside, a small, white piano standing in front if it.  
"Those are my fishes," Jan blabbed. "They dance when I play. Look!"  
He say down, opened his book and started playing a beautiful melody. Tarja knelt down next to him to see which song he was playing and she smiled.  
It was a Finnish song she remembered just all too well, so she opened her mouth and sang the lyrics with her high soprano voice.  
Jan immediately stopped and stared at Tarja. "Wow!" he said and continued playing. He missed a few keys because of his excitement to hear Tarja sing.  
Tarja laughed about his cuteness and excitement and didn't notice that the door had opened.  
Naomi was looking inside, her heart stinging with jealousy as she saw her mother and her ... half-brother interact. Quietly she closed the door, trying to bite back her tears. She didn't quite succeed though, and while she went back I to her room, she bumped into Tuomas.  
"Naomi!" he said surprised and a little shocked as he watched the girl wipe away the tears that had been running down her cheeks. "What happened?"  
"Nothing happened," Naomi replied bitterly. "Only my parent's divorce happened. And a move to another country happened. I'm sick and tired of everything."  
Tuomas smiled gently. "Let's have breakfast," he suggested. "Do you still like cocoa so much?"  
Naomi didn't answer him, but her smile said everything.

Tuomas and Naomi ended up talking inside her room. Naomi was quite talkative, actually, and Tuomas enjoyed the fact that she finally seemed to trust him enough to tell him everything. And wow, that girl knew much more than he had expected! She knew exactly that Tuomas and Tarja had done something forbidden in the night before Tuomas had gotten married, and she knew that this had been the night when Tarja had conceived Jan. She knew everything about her father's affair with Lucia and Tuomas knew that there was more ... which she didn't want to tell him.  
"It's private," she had told him without looking into his eyes. And Tuomas suddenly sensed something bad.  
"Did ... someone hurt you?" He asked, not able to ask if 'Marcelo' had 'hurt' her.  
"Hurt me? No," Naomi replied. "I mean, the kids in school have been quite mean for a while, they said that Mummy can't sing and they refused to play with me. But my best friend Victoria was always on my side and she's a fan of my Mum!" Suddenly Naomi got sad. "I guess I'll never see her again ..."  
Tuomas sighed. He would never find out what was wrong with her, she always started with another subject. He had to get closer to her.  
"But Namu, why don't you ask Victoria if she wants to spend her holidays in Finland? All her parents have to do is sit her into the plane and I'd pick her up from the airport -"  
Naomi interrupted Tuomas with a squeal and an embrace. "Thank you, thank you!" she screeched and hugged him tight. Tuomas smiled gently and hugged her back. Finally he had found a way to get closer to her ...

Tarja and Jan soon were done with their little concert.  
"Does Naomi want to play now?" the boy asked and Tarja smiled at him gently. The day before her daughter had refused play with him, but maybe she had calmed down by now.  
"Let's ask her, hm?" Tarja asked and took her son's hand. It was small and soft and Tarja's heart ached as she looked down at him.  
He was her son.  
Hers and Tuomas'. She couldn't believe this little miracle had been living inside of her for eight months.  
With a smile she remembered that Naomi had also come a month early.  
Mother and son walked towards Naomi's and Tarja's bedroom - and the singer froze. It sounded as if Tuomas was inside ...  
"Shh, Janni," Tarja mumbled and lifted the blonde boy into her arms.  
"But I tell you, Tuomas," Naomi said, "no one hurt me. Not me. I'm not lying."  
Tarja bursted into the bedroom. "What are you talking about?" she asked and watched Naomi avoid her look.  
"About bringing her best friend here for a week or something," Tuomas said and stood up, taking Jan away from her. Tarja didn't reply, she only looked at Naomi, who still didn't want to look at her mother.  
"So, what are we going to do today?" Tuomas asked gently and touched Tarja's shoulder carefully.  
"What about visiting the guys?" Tarja asked. "Since it was too late yesterday?"  
She only heard Tuomas agree and mumble something that she couldn't understand. The boys left and as the girls were alone, Tarja let herself fall on the bed.  
"Naomi ..." she whispered. "What did you tell Tuomas?"  
"Nothing, okay??" Naomi huffed. "I didn't tell him a word about what Daddy did and I won't tell him a word either."  
Tarja closed her eyes. "Thank you," she whispered and Naomi embraced her mother with a stifled sigh.  
"You're welcome, Mama. But you have to tell him sooner or later."  
"I don't have to tell him," Tarja said softly and took her daughter into her arms. "Are you going with us? We want to visit Emppu and the others."  
"Yeah, I'll go with you," Naomi said and Tarja rubbed her nose against Naomi's, happy that the girl had finally calmed down a bit.

She still wasn't too fond of Jan, though. She seemed to be quite unsure what to think of him, if she should be happy to have a little half-brother or not. And she noticed something strange, the little boy seemed to be madly in love with Tarja, all the time he seeked for her attention!  
"Tarja, Tarja, a bee! Tarja, I've just seen a bee!"  
"That's great, sweetheart," Tarja replied and added, "Namu, talk to him."  
But Jan wasn't interested in Naomi. "Tarja, I'm allergic to bees!"  
"Really?" Tarja asked. "Oh no, sorry, Jan. I didn't know that."  
Naomi rolled her eyes and put her earplugs in, turning the volume so high that she couldn't hear anything of the chattering inside the car anymore.

"Did he never see a woman before or what's up with him?" Tarja chuckled, once the boy had fallen asleep. Tuomas grinned.  
"Of course he has, Floor, Satu, ... Maybe he just madly fell in love with you. If he did, it's understandable."  
Tarja sighed. "Do you want him to know that I'm his mother?"  
Tuomas shrugged. "One day but not too soon. He is so small, I don't know if he'd understand why you gave him to Johanna and me."  
Tarja nodded slowly. "Then let's wait. I won't go away."  
Tuomas smiled and took Tarja's hand. Tarja blushed and looked out of the window, not pulling her hand away.  
Had he lied? Did he still have feelings for her?  
Tuomas broke the silence. "Does your family know you're here?"  
"I'm sure Toni does," Tarja said. "About my father and Timo I'm not sure ..." she closed her eyes before she whispered, "In 2017 my mother called me," she whispered. "She invited us for Christmas but I declined. I wish I hadn't done that. This was the last Christmas she has had ..."  
"Oh, Tarja," Tuomas whispered gently. "Who could have known? When Marjatta called me to tell me she had cancer ... I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to. And now I feel so ashamed that I didn't even try to help her. I was too busy with Jan and I realised too late that maybe she wanted to see him too ..."  
"It's not your fault," Tarja mumbled and squeezed Tuomas' hand. "I miss her ..."  
"I miss her too," Tuomas whispered.  
For a while no one said a word again, until Tuomas carefully spoke up. "Did you think of my offer from yesterday?"  
"I had no time to think about it yet," Tarja replied. "Truth is, I'd love to spend more time with Jan, but ... I'm not sure, Tuomas. I've already missed five and a half years of his life, this wouldn't feel right ..."  
"I don't care that you missed so much of his life," Tuomas said gently. "You know that this is what I want, my son and his mother ..."  
"Let's not talk about it now," Tarja pleaded. "Let's wait until were alone."  
And for the rest of the drive no one said a word.

"So ... Are you two together?" Emppu asked after him and Tarja had hugged for five minutes. Tarja and Tuomas exchanged a nervous glance and Tarja sighed.  
"No, Emppu," she answered. "We talked about it and ... Tuo is still married to Johanna and I don't want a boyfriend anyway."  
"Sounds like a weak excuse for not letting things get complicated," Emppu said with a raised eyebrow. "You know that you belong together, right? You're just too sissy to admit it to yourself."  
"Too sissy?" Tarja laughed. "Gosh, Emppu. No, we talked about it and ... We don't love each other anymore." Her heart ached as she said that and Emppu snorted.  
"Bullshit."  
"No bullshit," Tuomas defended Tarja and himself. "Marcelo was stupid, so Tarja decided not to get a boyfriend anymore. Meanwhile I'm waiting for Johanna to come back."  
"Wait," Tarja suddenly said. "You told me you were quite certain that Johanna wouldn't come back? That's why you offered me to adopt him?"  
"Tarja - adopt Jan?" Emppu laughed. "Dude, she's his real mother!"  
"Yes but Johanna is his mother by law!" Tuomas shouted. "This is so childish, Emppu. Accept that we are not in love anymore. We're older now and adult. Hell, we are over forty!"  
"Yeah and last time you two fucked you were only thirty-nine, so you've practically been children to that time." Emppu said with his eyes rolling. "That's bullshit. I love you two, honestly. You're my best friends but this is just ridiculous!"  
"Emppu, it's true," Tarja replied calmly. "We don't feel the urge to have a relationship anymore. It wouldn't work anyway."  
"Exactly," Tuomas agreed.  
Emppu only shook his head.

In the car Tuomas and Tarja had started arguing if they should visit Jukka and Satu as well, but both had understood that it was necessary. And Jukka had said something even worse than Emppu ...  
"So, when will the wedding be?"  
"Which wedding?" Tarja asked and Jukka laughed.  
"Yours, jerk," he chuckled and patted Tarja's head.  
"We're not going to marry," Tarja said and pulled Jukka's hand away.  
"Sure," he said casually. "Even a blind person could see that you two are still madly in love."  
"Let's drive home," Tuomas mouthed. "It was a mistake to come here."  
"Yeah," Tarja said with a glare towards Jukka, who was still laughing.  
"Satu says the same about you!" he called as Tarja shoved Naomi back into the car. Jan was crying, he loved to play with Jukka's daughter.  
"You'll see her again," Tuomas promised and kissed the blonde's head.  
Again it was quiet the whole drive. And after Tarja had brought the children to bed, she sat down on the couch next to Tuomas. He switched off the television and looked at her.  
She was much more interesting than every programme.  
"What?" Tarja chuckled as Tuomas studied her face so intensely.  
"I'm - I'm trying to forget what the guys said today," Tuomas said lowly and after some time of thinking, Tarja pulled his face down.  
"Maybe they're right ..." she mumbled. "Maybe ..."  
But she got silenced by his lips meeting hers.


	5. Chapter 5

He had just laid her down on the bed, gently and carefully. Tarja's lips parted, letting them escape a little gasp.  
"Tuomas ..."  
Again his lips silenced her. They caressed her face and Tarja couldn't help but sigh.  
This was so beautiful. This was what she had longed for the last years, only this.  
The room was only lightened by the moon from outside, and Tuomas chuckled lightly while his lips trailed down. Kissed the valley of her breasts.  
"What?" Tarja whispered and Tuomas looked at her.  
"Naked limbs reflecting from the moon, I'll be there for you soon," he whispered and Tarja smiled gently.  
"First wish for the night, let me be your delight," she whispered back and Tuomas kissed lower and lower. He caressed her stomach and Tarja closed her eyes.  
Had she said she didn't love him anymore? She had lied to herself, oh, how she had lied.  
She gasped quietly as his tongue touched her most sensitive spot and then she drowned in lust. She gasped again, breathed for air. She had missed this so much.

She came quietly, breathing his name over and over. And Tuomas kissed her neck.  
"Missed me?" he whispered into her ear before he slid into her gently.  
"Yes," Tarja whispered back. "Missed you so much."  
Their lovemaking was quiet yet passionate. They tried hard not to be too loud but it wasn't even necessary to try.  
They loved each other without words, they both felt this deep connection. They didn't have to share words nor moans nor glances - they both knew.  
"Why didn't we do this two days ago already?" Tarja sighed and wrapped her legs around her man.  
"We were too sissy," Tuomas chuckled and kissed her ear. Oh, how he loved her. Everything of her. Her voice, her body, her skin, her soft sighs inside his ear. Her ever so doubting eyes upon him. Her ear. He loved her ear so much, he thought as he kissed it, licked it gently, making Tarja's skin erupt into goosebumps.  
"Tuo ..."  
"Shh ..." He pressed his lips against her neck. "No words, just love ..."  
"Just be close to me," Tarja whispered back. She had already forgotten how lovemaking, real lovemaking felt.  
This was how it felt.  
She smiled. Seriously, how could they have resisted two days ago? The second she had seen him, she could have jumped on him. How could she have lied to herself? She would never stop loving him, never.  
Her smile got wider. "Oh, Tuo ..." she giggled. His moves against her were making her lose her mind.  
"Shh," Tuomas mumbled again. He looked down at the beauty beneath him, her naked limbs were shining white, her eyes were closed. The black hair was framing her face.  
And Tuomas understood, he finally understood what he had done wrong. He had done everything wrong, simply everything in his life.  
She was his true love, his one and only, she was the one he had to make happy for the rest of her life.  
He had practically screwed up everything concerning her, but this had to be over now.  
"Tuomas, I'm ..."  
For the third time this night she got silenced by his lips as he covered hers with his fully. She opened hers to release a little scream and Tuomas seized the moment to slide his tongue into her mouth.  
Their bodies and tongues melted together and they came, never doubting the love they held for each other.  
They fell asleep arm in arm, both with a small, happy smile in their face.

And the first thing that Tarja felt when she woke up, was Tuomas hand trailing the lines of her face.  
The first thing she saw when she opened her eyes, was Tuomas smiling at her.  
The first thing she heard was his cute, gentle, "Good morning, princess."  
Tarja yawned and giggled. "Coffee."  
"Indeed," Tuomas agreed, but instead of standing up, he pulled her close. "We're still naked ..."  
"Mhm," Tarja mumbled and wrapped her arm around him. Her head rested on his chest, feeling his heart beat. "We should stay like that ..."  
"Jan," Tuomas suddenly sighed. "Naomi ..."  
"They can watch TV all day long," Tarja mumbled. "It's Saturday ..."  
Tuomas smiled. "I think we should - we should stand up and do something with them. We are their parents, Tari ..."  
"Actually you're not Naomi's father," Tarja mumbled, "but I like the fact you call us parents. Like we were together ..."  
"What ... Like we were?" Tuomas asked in confusion. "After last night we - we aren't?"  
"I told you I don't want a boyfriend," Tarja said and pulled away. She sat up to look at him, and even though she was still naked, Tuomas couldn't tear his look away from her face. Was she joking?  
"But -"  
"I want you, Tuo, but not as my boyfriend."  
"As your ... husband?" Tuomas tried weakly, but Tarja groaned.  
"No, Tuomas. We tried this. I meant what I said at Emppu's - our relationship wouldn't work out! We only know how to fight good!"  
"But - last night -"  
"Was great," Tarja said and crawled out of the bed. "So was this certain night five years ago. And so was the time we were together, until you left me while I still carried your baby. You're a wonderful human, an amazing lover and a dream of a man ... But Tuomas, you're a terrible boyfriend."  
Tuomas watched her slide into her bathrobe with a shocked face. "So what, you just want me to fuck you every now and then and play happy family with you, but you don't want to be my girlfriend?" he asked. "What is this then?"  
"Call it an open relationship or something. Right now I don't want a boyfriend, but as soon as I'm going to find a man, I'll be gone."  
"What if I am this man?" Tuomas asked and Tarja snorted. "Don't make that sound!" Tuomas shouted. "Dammit, Tarja. You're still that fucking diva you used to be! I can't believe it, really! All those years didn't change you, not a bit. Okay! Okay, let's have sex every night, but let's pretend we're not in love - exactly as we always did!"  
"We didn't always pretend we're not in love," Tarja replied coldly. "Remember when you proposed to me? We were happy and in love, until you left me."  
"I left you, yes. Because I was still married to that time."  
"To your wife you constantly cheated on!" Tarja shouted. "With me! With no one but with me! So have you been in love with me or haven't you??"  
"I have been!" Tuomas shouted back. "Why do you still doubt me!?"  
"Because you fucking kicked me out of our band after not speaking to me for a year!" Tarja now screamed, tears running down her cheeks.  
"I thought this topic was already done!" Tuomas groaned. "I can't believe it, Tarja!"  
"This topic will never be done, I told you several times," Tarja said icily and wiped away her tears. "Now leave the diva alone, she needs to do something for her beauty."  
With that she walked out of the room, letting the door crash close.  
Tuomas sunk back on his pillow. "You'll never be more beautiful to me," he mumbled.

"M - mum?"  
"Gosh, Naomi, what are you doing here?"  
"What were you doing inside of there?" Naomi asked with a challenging look and pointed at Tuomas' bedroom. "And why haven't you been with me last night? Why were you two fighting? And why are you wearing a bathrobe? Are you naked?"  
Tarja laughed and hugged her daughter. She ruffled through the dark blonde hair. "Oh, don't worry about that, sweetheart. We were only arguing a little."  
"Heard that," Naomi muttered. "So, now why are you naked? Are you two ... a couple?"  
"No, we're not," Tarja said. "We were - hm, talking about that stuff but -"  
"Ew," Naomi interrupted her mother. "I don't wanna hear what you did, really. Just don't break his heart, okay?"  
"Woah, hey!" Tarja shouted. "What??"  
"You know what I mean," Naomi said casually and turned around, walking back to the living room.

May 9th

The song that sounded out of the speakers when she came back from shopping was a song that Tarja knew all too well. Was there a reason why Tuomas would listen to it?  
Now I have the key, out of the downwards spiraling conspiracy. Just look at me. Just look at Diva, Diva, Diva, -  
Tarja pressed the off button of the CD player.  
"Hey!" Tuomas said and glared at her.  
"Why?" Tarja replied softly.  
"Why what?" Tuomas asked weakly.  
"Don't play the innocent," Tarja said with a slight smile. "Why are you listening to this?"  
"Because I'm trying to understand," Tuomas started and stood up, "why you wrote songs for me even if you didn't feel for me."  
"Because I felt for you, you know that," Tarja said and Tuomas took her hand.  
"Why did you stop?"  
Tarja's lip was quivering. "I ... I ..."  
"Tarja ..." Tuomas said gently. "I'm sorry for leaving you and hurting you. I'm sorry for everything I ever did, believe me, I hate myself for it every day. But I want you to know that I lied to you ... again. I never stopped loving you and I'd do everything to make you happy now. Everything, Tarja. I want to make you happy. If you just let me, I will be the best boyfriend you can imagine."  
"Yeah?" Tarja said with a shaking voice. "Prove it. Take off that ring."  
Tuomas looked at her for a few seconds, before he took his wedding ring and pulled it off his finger. "Here," he whispered and gave the ring to her. "I have made my decision, now make yours. I don't understand why you'd rather be alone than with me but I'll tell you something." He let go of her hand. "It's lonely on the top and being a diva is no bad thing."  
And with that he walked outside.

May 10th

"You'll see," Tarja whispered and kissed her daughter's forehead. "You'll make lots of new friends here."  
"What if they bully me?" Naomi asked quietly. "Like the kids in Spain did?"  
"No, they won't bully you," Tarja said. "And if they do, you have to tell me! You know I went through the same ..."  
"But what if they laugh about my Finnish?" the girl whispered.  
"Your Finnish is great and it's going to be even greater," Tarja promised. "I love you, baby. Do you know that?"  
"I know, I know, don't say it too loud please," Naomi sighed and straightened her back. "Okay let's do this."  
"I believe in you," Tarja said and hugged her daughter one last time. "My strong girl ... I'll pick you up later."  
"Mh, thanks," Naomi mumbled and left the car, leaving Tarja with tears in her eyes behind.  
What a strong girl.  
On her way home, Tarja decided to visit someone she hadn't visited yet. It wasn't her father or one of her brothers, no. Stepping from one foot to the other, she waited for Kirsti or Pentti to open, and after a while, Kirsti did.  
"TARJA!!!" she screeched and pulled the woman in a tight hug. Tarja gasped for air.  
"H - hi Kirsti," she breathed and the blonde let go of the black haired, cupping her cheeks. "What happened to you??"  
"Why - what happened?" Tarja asked shocked.  
"Well, you lost so much weight you look almost ill!"  
"Kirsti, I only gained weight over the last years, thanks to the stupid celiac disease," Tarja tried to defend herself, but Kirsti shook her head and clucked with her tongue.  
"What a humbug!" she then spat and pulled the black haired inside. "I'm going to cook something for you."  
"Kirsti, you really don't need to -"  
"Pentti!" Tuomas' mother called. "Look which stunning beauty just found her way back home!"  
Tarja smiled, totally touched by Kirsti's words. Stunning beauty. Home.  
"Tarja!" Pentti breathed and after hugging Tarja as well, he looked at his wife. "What a beauty indeed. Respect." He kissed Tarja's hand and Tarja laughed he hadn't changed, thank god. "Welcome home, Miss Turunen," Pentti said and Tarja looked at the people who meant so much to her, parents of Tuomas, her former piano teacher, biggest supporter of Nightwish ... Grandparents to Jan and parents-in-law to Johanna.  
Home ...  
She was at home.


	6. Chapter 6

"So," Pentti started. "I heard you're not married anymore. Is that true or are the Finnish tabloids fucking everything up again?"  
"No, it's true," Tarja said and took a bite. "Oh my God this is awesome, Kirsti. I really missed your cooking."  
"Why, thank you," Tuomas' mother answered with a smile. "Now tell us why you aren't with Marcelo anymore."  
"Well ..." Tarja chewed slowly. "Turned out he didn't quite forgive me for getting pregnant from Tuomas ..."  
Silence.   
"What did he do?" Kirsti asked gently.  
"Cheat on me with his secretary Lucia," Tarja spat.  
"Oh what a -" Pentti started. "How could he - Kirsti, how could a man ever do this to our beautiful Tarja??"  
"Don't ask me, don't ask me." Kirsti shook her head. "Oh, Tari. He didn't deserve you. You had to bear so much in your life, way too much. You deserve a happy life now."  
Tarja smiled weakly. Kirsti was right. There was a lot she had to bear in her life. From getting bullied to getting almost raped on stage, getting scolded by her bandmates, getting kicked out of a band, later from an almost burnout to a gluten intolerance, light depressions, from getting pregnant from her best friend to getting kicked out again and finally from a man who didn't know if he wanted her or his wife to a man leaving her while she was pregnant. And last but not least, from a cheating and raping husband to a fight over their daughter's custody to a divorce and flight to cold, unfriendly Finland.   
Tarja's life didn't look that happy in her eyes, besides the fact that she had reached all the goals she had set herself in her career. But in her private life ...  
"But now that you returned to Tuomas, your life will soon be better again," Kirsti said nudged the singer's arm. "And Jan is precious, isn't he?"  
"He is, how couldn't he?" Tarja smiled. "Tuomas is doing a great job."  
"He's a wonderful Daddy but he certainly needs help," Pentti commented. "He has never been this fatherly type and he sometimes seems to be a little unable to cope with everything ..."  
"Like when Jan started going into Kindergarten. He had no idea how to sign him in, then there were parents meetings and Kindergarten parties or other things he had to pay ..."  
"He was so unorganised. He sometimes just forgot the parents meetings."  
"Then Nightwish started to tour again after Floor's and his baby break and he said he didn't want to leave Jan here. Then he had to sign him out again. And after a few weeks he called us from France, asking if we could pick him up."  
"What?" Tarja whispered. "From -?"  
"He was close to tears. He said it was too much. For him and for Jan."  
"What did you do?"  
"I flew to France, of course," Pentti said. "Jannie was happy to see me but he didn't understand why I was taking him back. He said he loved the tour and I had to explain to him that this was his father's work and he was disturbing. I didn't say it like that but he was heartbroken anyway."  
"I also took Naomi with me when I toured around," Tarja said but then she remembered that Marcelo had always paid attention to her. Tuomas had to pay attention to Jan alone.

"So ... how was school?"  
Naomi shrugged. "It was okay."  
"Did anyone laugh about your Finnish?"  
"No ... not at all," Naomi mumbled and sunk her eyes.  
"Did anyone say stupid things about me?" Tarja asked but her daughter shook her head again.  
"No ... I mean the teacher asked me if I was related to you so I said you're my mother and it was fine ... they asked me questions and that's it. It was quite good actually ... I look forward to tomorrow."  
"See?" Tarja said gently and eyed Tuomas, who was smiling at the girl.  
"Made friends?"  
"After one day?? Tuomas, please."  
Naomi threw a look at Tarja. "Actually I did," she said. "His name's Matti."  
Tarja's fork fell down. "His?? A boy??"  
Tuomas chuckled and Tarja glared at him. "What?" Tuomas asked.  
"A - Tuomas, a boy! Naomi isn't even 10 yet, a boyfriend??"  
"He's not my boyfriend!" Naomi called.  
"He better isn't," Tarja said. "And better won't ever be."  
"Damn, mum, I only talked to him once. He asked me about my favourite book and that's it."  
"You won't be allowed to talk to him again!" Tarja shouted and bursted into laughter as she noticed the other's shocked looks. "I'm joking," she added and Tuomas laughed.  
"Your jokes used to be better."  
"Like, Tuomas, I'm pregnant?"  
"More like, Tuomas, I love you."  
"Fuck you," Tarja mumbled.  
"Stop, please stop," Naomi begged. "Can't you two just jump over your shadows? You annoy me as hell."  
"Tell your stubborn mother," Tuomas granted and Tarja rolled her eyes.  
"Namu - leave. This is no conversation for you."  
"I'm not going to listen," Naomi said and put her earplugs in, continuing to eat with the calming sound of her current favourite band hammering into her ears.  
"What do you mean with Tuomas, I love you? That was never a joke," Tarja said.  
"I can't believe you, you know? Like you loved me but now you don't love me anymore? That's not really logic."  
"It is logic, I loved you but now I'm over you." Tarja said sternly.  
"And everytime we have sex with each other you start crying?" Tuomas asked with his head shaking.  
"That's because you're so bad in bed," Tarja teased and Tuomas looked at her in shock.  
"I am - woman, you're crazy. I am a God in bed!"  
And though she was protesting, he lifted her up, threw her over his shoulder and carried her into the bedroom, laughing about her fists that hit his back. But she was laughing too, and as he threw her on the bed, she closed her eyes and let him do his job on her body.

The weeks went by and Tarja and Tuomas did as they had talked about - they slept with each other almost every night or every morning but had no relationship. Tarja soon did as Tuomas had suggested, she made herself a online dating profile. Online she was Susanna, age 44, pharmacy assistant. Soon she was chatting with five different guys but was afraid to meet any of them. What if they recognised her? What if someone saw them?  
Tuomas was jealous but he didn't show it. He told her to meet one of the men but at night he loved her with his whole heart again. Tarja of course felt the love he put into lovemaking and thought about how wrong it would be to meet any of those men. So she didn't. So she just continued chatting with them.  
This made Tuomas happier than he wanted to admit. Truth be told, he was quite jealous ...  
Matti turned into Naomi's best friend. They met at the library almost everyday and everytime she brought him home after it. First time she had introduced Tarja and Tuomas as "my parents", which had been both a shock and a good sign to the adults. Jan had wanted to play with them but Naomi had shoved him away.  
"My annoying little brother," she had said to her new friend and though Tarja had been shocked about how rude her daughter was to her son, she had been happy that Naomi had him called her little brother. Not even half-brother.  
Matti was a really nice guy. It turned out he had showed interest about Naomi because she was able to speak English and Spanish very well. Matti himself was half Swedish, so he was able to speak more than one language too. And he was - Tarja noticed after a little talk with him - like Tuomas. He played the piano, loved to read, tried to write stories. She smiled a little and decided that, once they were older, he'd be a great catch for her daughter. Once they were older.  
Naomi still talked a lot about Victoria and one day Tarja had to contact her parents to ask them if Victoria could visit them in summer.  
She could. In the beginning of August she'd come.  
Naomi was over the moon and finally stopped hating her mother. Or stopped pretending to hate her.  
A few weeks later she didn't even talk about Marcelo anymore and soon the life of the little Turunen-Holopainen family couldn't be better. Besides the fact that Tarja and Tuomas still weren't together (in their opinions, the whole Nightwish band said they were) and Tarja still thought about dating one of her Internet acquaintances.  
But one day ... one day everything got fucked up by one single person.

July 22nd

Tarja was currently filling the dishwasher with dirty plates as someone came to stand next to her. Tarja didn't look up but from the corner of her eyes she saw that it was an adult person, Tuomas, she assumed.  
"Good you're here, you can help me," Tarja said and Tuomas grabbed one of the plates and gave it to Tarja.  
And Tarja's eyes fell on the slim hand that was holding the plate down to her, the slim, beautiful hand with the long, red nails.  
Tarja looked up.  
"Hello, Tarja," Johanna said. "It doesn't surprise me to see you here."

"So ... since when do you live here?" Johanna asked while Tarja poured her some coffee.  
"Ehm - for about two months," Tarja replied.   
"What? Not longer?"  
"No, I just got divorced," Tarja said and Johanna nodded.   
"Wow ... and came right back to Tuomas?"  
"I didn't know you were gone though," Tarja said and looked at the clock. Where was Tuomas even? He should have come back half an hour ago already.  
"He didn't tell you? I'm surprised." Johanna's tone was casually but also sharp.  
"I was still married to Marcelo," the elder woman replied weakly. "He didn't tell me anything. You though, you just vanished ..."  
"I had my reasons." Johanna straightened her back.  
"And the reason why your hair is black now?" Tarja asked challenging and the younger singer blushed a little.  
"I admit, I did it because of Tuomas. Seems he likes dark haired women ..."  
"I was the only dark haired woman he ever dated," Tarja defended her former bandmate and then she sighed. "Johanna, it's great to have you back. Tuomas and Jan will be happy to -"  
"Woah, wait," Johanna interrupted Tarja. "Back? No, Tarja. I didn't come because I want to get back to them. Besides - they have you now, so what even ..."  
"What does that mean?" Tarja asked in shock. "They don't have me. Jan doesn't know I'm his mother and Tuomas and I are no couple."  
"Latter you can't tell me," Johanna said bitterly. "Do you sleep with him?"  
"Yes but that's not important," Tarja muttered.  
"It is," Johanna replied and pulled out a sheet of paper, handing it to Tarja.  
She took it and gasped. It was a divorce petition.  
"He sent me this," Johanna said. "I just came by to bring the signed formula."  
"You - you signed it?" Tarja whispered.  
"Sure," Johanna said. "I haven't seen him in three years, so it was only logic. And when I saw you ..."  
"But how could he send this to you?" Tarja asked. "He didn't know where you were!"  
"He sent it to my parents. I visit my parents almost every weekend, so they gave it to me. And here I am."  
Tarja's mind was spinning. They'd really get divorced ... this time for real ... Tuomas would only do this for her ... he did it only for her. He had sent the petition to Johanna, only because of Tarja.   
Tarja's mind was spinning and she sat down.  
"Where's Jan?" Johanna suddenly asked.  
"He's ... he's in his room," Tarja said. "Do you want to see him?"  
"No," Johanna said softly. "Does he remember me?"  
Tarja stared at her hands. "He talks a lot about you," she admitted. "Mostly because Tuomas talked a lot about you. He didn't know me when I came back here."  
"When are you going to tell him?" Johanna asked and Tarja shrugged.  
"He's still too young ... he won't understand. He describes his mother as a redhead." Tarja grinned and so did Johanna.  
"I'm sorry about everything that happened," the ex-redhead said.  
"So am I," Tarja said. "If I hadn't come back to Finland in 2016 -"  
"Don't," Johanna said. "Tarja, you two created a life. Don't say it better hadn't happened."  
Tarja smiled at Johanna. "You need to see him," she decided.  
"Tarja, no ..." Johanna mumbled but Tarja had already jumped up and rushed to Jan's room.  
The boy was currently practicing piano and started smiling as he saw Tarja.  
"Taaaaaarjaaaaa," he said happily and leaned back. Tarja lifted him into his arms and laughed as her son gave her a kiss on her cheek. He loved her. No doubt at all. "Did I play good? Did I? Or could you play the melody for me again?"  
"Later, honey. We have a visitor," Tarja said and carried him into the living room, where Johanna stared at him with wide eyes. "That's Jo," Tarja said. "A good friend of your Daddy and me."  
"Hi, Jo," Jan replied shyly and Johanna swallowed.  
"Hello ... Jan," she said as Tarja put him back on the floor. "My God, he looks like ..."  
"Well, he looks like Tuomas," Tarja said with a smile.  
"And you," Johanna whispered. "He looks a lot like you ... the eyes and all ... the nose ..."  
"I hope he looks more like Tuomas than me," Tarja laughed. "Wouldn't be too great if he looked like a woman ..."  
"You know what I mean," Johanna said.  
"Do you also play the piano?" Jan suddenly asked and Johanna looked at him in surprise.   
"I do," she said. "And I also play the guitar."  
"Do you sing too? Like Tarja??" Jan asked excitedly and Johanna laughed.  
"Not like Tarja, no. No one sings like Tarja." Johanna grinned at Tarja, who blushed. "But I do sing."  
Jan grabbed her hand. "Let's sing together!" he begged.

Tuomas came home twenty minutes later.  
"I'm home, Love," he called but in the living room he only found Naomi. She was sitting in front of the TV with a dark face. "Hi, hun, what's up?" Tuomas laughed and ruffled through her hair.  
"You better run as quick as you can," Naomi said with a huff. "Just look into Jan's room."  
So Tuomas followed the sounds of Jan's piano. He smiled as he recognised Tarja's voice, beautiful as always. Why was Naomi angry about her mother singing with -  
And suddenly he heard it. Another voice. A different voice. A sweet voice, a voice he knew all too well ...  
He carefully opened the door and almost fainted.   
Jan was playing the piano, Tarja right of him.  
And left of him ... there was no one else than Johanna.  
The three looked up and while Tarja smiled at him apologetically, Johanna smiled broadly.  
"Tuomas," she said and rushed to him.  
"Johanna," Tuomas replied almost icily, went to Tarja and gave her a small kiss on her lips.  
"Tuo, what -" she went quiet at Tuomas' begging look.  
"Welcome home, Love ..." she mumbled and Tuomas kissed her again before he looked at Johanna.  
"So ... what are you doing here?"


	7. Chapter 7

"I thought you weren't together?" Johanna mumbled while Tuomas greeted his son with a hug and kisses. Johanna tried not to look at them.  
"It's ... it's complicated," Tarja replied weakly. "It's only because of Jan ... he needs a mum."  
"And who could be a better mum than his real mum?" Johanna asked gently and smiled. "Hey, don't look like that. You know how much I love you two and truth be told - I've always thought you're the better match for him. I ... it makes me so sad but ... he doesn't love me as much as he loves you."  
"But you love him," Tarja said quietly. "I can see that."  
"So much. But ... I can't help it. You're his soulmate. I'm not."  
Tarja looked at Johanna. Her heart was clenching at the sight of the other singer's broken look. She was too good.  
"I hope you'll find your soulmate too," Tarja said gently and touched Johanna's arm.  
"I thought I did," Johanna sighed and smiled at the older woman. "Can I come to your wedding?"  
Tarja nodded, not able to tell the ex-redhead that there wouldn't be a wedding.  
"Great," Johanna cheered. "Just send the invitation to my parents, they'll know where I am. So ... I'll better leave. I'm disturbing."  
"No, you're not," Tarja tried to tell the younger singer, who refused to believe her.   
"Tarja, I can see how much he hates me. And I can understand that. I've done a horrible thing ..." she sighed. "Anyway. Congratulations to you two."  
And without saying anything to Tuomas or Jan, she left. She only called a "Bye, Namu!" into the living room and vanished out of the house.  
And Tarja immediately went to Tuomas once he came out of their son's room, slapping his arm.  
"Ouch! What did I do now, crazy woman??"  
"Kiss me in front of your wife and your son? Treating your wife as she wasn't important to you anymore?" Tarja hissed.  
"About Johanna, she's not important to me anymore."  
"When I came back to Finland you said you wouldn't want to divorce her!"  
"That was before we slept together!"  
"So basically before I agreed to 'adopt' Jan. Then we slept together, so I changed your thinking of Johanna?!" Tarja shook her head. Men.  
"Basically, yeah. I noticed I'm still in love with you and immediately sent the petition and see? She signed it. I'm a free man!" Tuomas tried to hug Tarja but she pushed him back.  
"Tuomas - you've always been an asshole and you're always going to stay an asshole. What you did to Johanna more than once was awful. What you did to me was awful. What you did to several other women was probably awful too, but especially what you did to Johanna ..." Tarja inhaled sharply. "Don't expect me to forgive you so easily. And after I've seen what you did to Johanna over the last years ... over and over again, only because of me ... Tuomas, I don't want to be with you. I meant what I said, I ... I don't love you anymore. I'm sorry."

The friendship between them seemed destroyed. Again. Whenever Jan was around they talked to each other, but as soon as their son left the room, they ignored each other as they had done in 2005.  
But one day something happened and they were forced to talk to each other again.

July 29th

It was Friday and Naomi had told her mother in the morning that she wouldn't come home after the library immediately. She had another play date with Matti. She had promised to be home at six in the evening.  
"Don't you want to make it official?" Tarja had teased her daughter and Naomi had crossed her arms. "Okay. I like him," she had sulked. "But don't you dare telling him! I swear, mum!"  
Tarja had laughed and given her daughter a little slap on her ass. "Go get him."  
And Naomi had left for the library.   
And she hadn't come home, as she had said. But then something happened ...  
"Turunen?" Tarja said as she picked up her phone.  
"Tarja? Hello, this is Sandra Kauppinen."  
"Oh, hi, Sandra!" Tarja greeted Matti's mother.  
"Hello ... could you tell Matti to come home, please?"  
"Tell Matti -" Tarja was confused. "Naomi and he should be at your home, Sandra," Tarja's heart started to race.  
"I know ... Matti told me Naomi would visit us. But they never arrived, so I figured they went to your home ..."  
Tarja collapsed against the wall. "Do you mean - do you mean they are missing?"  
"Maybe they never went home from the library," Sandra said calmly. "I'll call there."  
"The library's not open anymore, Sandra," Tarja whispered.  
"Maybe ... Maybe they went to another friend ..." Sandra went quiet. Matti and Naomi had no other friends, no good friends at least. "Or they are running around Kitee ... they'll be safe, it's not that big ..."  
"I'll pick you up," Tarja said and straightened her back. "We need to find them."  
Tuomas, who had heard Tarja's worried voice, came out of the kitchen and watched Tarja run her hand through her hair.   
"Don't worry, Sandra ... they can't be far. I'll be there in ten minutes." And still ignoring Tuomas, Tarja grabbed her car keys and left the house.

She came back four hours later. Her face was pale and her eyes were red.  
It was already getting dark outside ... and they hadn't found them.  
"Tarja?" Tuomas whispered and dropped his book when he saw her.  
"They're gone," Tarja whispered and Tuomas' mouth went open. "Naomi and Matti ... we couldn't find them. Naomi is ... she's gone ..."  
"Where could they be?" Tuomas asked but Tarja shook her head.   
"I - I have no idea ..." she whispered. "It's nine ... oh, Tuomas ..." The singer threw herself into the keyboarder's arms. "I'm so sorry," she sobbed into his chest. "I'm so, so sorry ... I never meant to insult you ... please don't leave me, Tuomas ... I need you ..."  
"Shh, my love," Tuomas mumbled and kissed her black hairline. "Tell me, why would I leave you?"  
"Cause - cause Naomi left me too ... after I took away her happiness and - oh God, don't leave me ..."  
"I'd never," Tuomas promised. "I love you too much. But why would Naomi leave you?"  
"Because she hates me ..."  
"Stop saying that. She's getting into puberty, and that's it."  
"So you think she got kidnapped?" Tarja asked, her eyes ripped open.  
"No, I don't think so," Tuomas said in a calming voice. "I also ran away once when my parents didn't stop fighting. I couldn't hear it anymore."  
"Where'd you go?" Tarja sniffed.  
"I went to my island," Tuomas replied and Tarja sat up straightly. "Your island!" she whispered.  
"You think they're -"  
"Tuomas, how old were you when you ran off?"  
"Ten," Tuomas replied. "But it was my island and I went there every weekend. Naomi has been there for what, three, four times?"  
"Enough times to be able to go there alone. She's a smart girl, my girl."  
"She is," Tuomas sighed. "Okay. Call my mum, we can't take Jan with us."

After Tarja had called Kirsti, they started driving. Tuomas' parents didn't live far away, Jan wouldn't be alone for even five minutes. "Faster, Tuomas," Tarja said through gritted teeth. She was anxious and nervous. And she had completely forgotten the fight with Tuomas. Her daughter was gone, there was nothing more important than finding her now.

"Oh, thank God!" Tarja exclaimed as she noticed that Tuomas' boat was gone.  
"That's not good, Tarja. How are we supposed to get there now?"  
Tarja rolled her eyes. "There are many boats ..."  
"Which do not belong to us!" Tuomas called.  
Tarja ignored him. "Which boat? Alva? Tove? Sirius?"  
"Nightfish," Tuomas grunted.  
"Nightfish is not here, Tuo," Tarja said. "What about Soile? Soile sounds nice."  
Tuomas chuckled. "You're a fucking egoist, you know?"  
"I know you love me," Tarja said softly and climbed into the boat that had the same name as her.  
"I do," Tuomas replied as he climbed in after her.  
Tarja started the little motor and only ten minutes later they crashed on the shore. "There's a light," Tarja mumbled as she squinted her eyes at the little shed in the middle of the island. "Tuomas, can you hand me the lantern?" Tuomas did and Tarja went out of the boat. While she approached the shed, Tuomas pulled Soile onto the shore.  
Soon Tarja had reached the shack, looking through the window ...

"There is someone," Matti whispered. "I heard someone outside ... This was a bad idea, Namu."  
"Believe me, it was the best idea I've ever had," Naomi replied and breathed into her cold hands. "My mother will die of worry and eventually talk to Tuomas again ..."  
"You're freezing, come here," Matti said gently and embraced Naomi. He took her hands in his and rubbed them. "We should make a fire ..."  
"I'd burn the house," Naomi chuckled and Matti gently kissed her fingers.  
"You'd do great ..."  
Naomi was blushing and her heart was beating against her ribcage. "Matti ..."  
The kids locked their eyes.  
And just as they went closer to each other, just as they closed their eyes, just as their lips almost touched ...  
Just in that moment the door crashed open and Tarja bursted inside.  
"NAOMI EERIKA ALEXIA TURUNEN!" she growled. "WHAT THE - HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?! MATTI'S MOTHER AND I DIED OF WORRY! HOW DARE YOU RUNNING AWAY?!"  
Naomi, who had backed away from Matti within the break of seconds, was whimpering.  
"Mum! How did you find me?"  
"Oh f-! Tuomas, could you call Sandra and tell her I've found them?" Tarja called over her shoulder and Naomi's eyes started glowing.  
"You're talking to each other again ...?"  
"What were you doing here?" Tarja sighed. "I mean - it's fucking cold here. Why didn't you make a fire?"  
"Naomi said she'd burn the house," Matti said shyly and Tarja struggled with herself.  
Had she spent too little time with her daughter? The answer was clear. Yes. Oh yes.  
"Come here, baby ..." Tarja mumbled and hugged the girl. "Wanna stay here overnight? Us four? What do you say?"  
"That'd be cool," Naomi mumbled and looked at Matti. The boy was deep red. He had almost kissed her, he had almost succeeded ... too bad that Mrs Turunen had interrupted them. But Matti smiled, Naomi had seemed to want the same ... maybe she felt the same ...  
The boy smiled at the girl and the girl smiled back, a blush creeping over her cheeks.  
After a while Tarja let go of Naomi and started to light a fire in the little living room. "We're staying here overnight," she said as Tuomas entered the shed, holding his phone to Matti.  
"Really?" he said. "Oh, how nice ... Matti, your mother wants to talk to you."  
Matti took the phone and left outside, while Tuomas knelt down to help Tarja. "I'm sorry ..."  
"For?" Tarja looked at him. He had told her he was sorry for so many times already.  
"For what I did to Johanna. I really treated her bad. And I treated you bad. Maybe I have no idea how to treat women."  
Tarja grinned at him. "Or maybe I'm just the only woman who can handle your treating."  
Tuomas bumped his arm against Tarja's. "You know you are."  
"I am," Tarja replied softly and Naomi exited quickly.  
And the two adults leaned in, their lips meeting in a gentle kiss. Their first slow, tender kiss in weeks. A kiss so innocent, as if it had been their first kiss.  
"Tell the truth," Tuomas begged quietly as they broke the kiss. "Do you love me? Do you want to be with me?"  
"Yes and yes," Tarja whispered. "But I can't ..."  
"Why?" Tuomas asked. "Because of Namu?"  
"Namu loves you," Tarja said and shook her head.  
"Jan?"  
"And Jan loves me," Tarja said and sighed. "I can't because ... I can't - I just can't ..."  
Tuomas hugged her. "I'll never hurt you again."  
"I know." Tarja leaned her head against his shoulder. She still hadn't tell him about what Marcelo had done, the reason why she didn't want to have another boyfriend ...  
But fact was, they made love this night. While the kids slept in the warm living room, Tarja and Tuomas went to one of the bedrooms. They were cold but they cuddled beneath the blankets, their talking soon leading into kissing, their cuddling soon leading into more. And for the first time in weeks, Tuomas felt that Tarja loved him too. Not because she said it, no. All in all she didn't say a word, they made love as quiet as they had never done before. But after an hour of loving each other, they locked their eyes.  
"Do you want to be with me?" he asked her lovingly and Tarja smiled.  
And nodded.


	8. Chapter 8

August 10th

"Thank you for the invitation," Floor said and hugged Tarja and Tuomas.  
"No problem, sit down, sit down!" Tarja said giddily. Now everyone of their friends and family had arrived.  
"Now what's up with you two?" Marco asked and everyone around the table went quiet.  
"What are they talking about?" Naomi's friend Victoria murmured in Spanish and Tarja smiled.  
"We're about to reveal something big," she replied with a wink and Victoria nodded. Tarja enjoyed talking Spanish again.  
"Now tell!" Naomi shouted. "They need to know ..."  
"I think they already do," Tuomas chuckled and grasped Tarja's hand.  
"We're ... we're a couple," Tarja said quietly and everyone started laughing.  
"We knew it!"  
"We so knew it."  
"No surprise."  
"I thought it'd happen sooner."  
"I told you, didn't I?"  
"You're so stupid, really," Tarja said and grinned at her friends. She couldn't deny she was happy ... even though she had promised herself not to get a boyfriend. But Tuomas ... hell, she just loved him too much.  
"Told you they expected it," Tuomas mumbled into Tarja's ear.  
"Yes ..." Tarja answered and moaned as suddenly Emppu started shouting, "Kiss! Kiss!"  
"I'm having a déjà vu here," she chuckled before Tuomas' lips met hers.  
The kids looked away but the adults cheered and applauded.  
"So obvious!" Jukka called again, just as Tarja and Tuomas slowly parted.  
"Congrats, guys."  
"What about Johanna?"  
The question came from Kirsti. Of course.  
"I ... we're getting divorced," Tuomas said quietly and his parents nodded.  
Tarja was following the talk between them, as suddenly someone poked her leg. Tarja looked down and right into Jan's green eyes.  
"Can I ask you something?" he whispered and Tarja lifted him up and carried him outside the room.  
"Sure, honey. Shoot."  
Jan giggled and then grew serious. "Do you want to marry my dad?"  
"I want to, one day," Tarja answered. "Am I allowed to?"  
"I'd be happy," Jan mumbled and blushed. "I like you ... you're nice, you're funny ... and you're beautiful ... and my daddy likes you too ..." He looked at her. "And I want you to be my new mommy."  
"Oh, Jannie," Tarja whispered and embraced the blonde boy. "I am your mommy already ..."  
Jan, not understanding how much truth was behind this sentence, hugged her back.  
"Love you," he said shyly and Tarja kissed his hairline.   
"I love you too, sweetheart."

"Tarja?"  
Tarja looked up. She and Jan had cuddled for the last twenty minutes and Jan had eventually fallen asleep. But Tarja hadn't wanted to carry him into his room yet. "Yes?" she whispered and looked at Kirsti, who sat down next to her with a smile.  
"Seriously now - finally!"  
Tarja laughed quietly. "You know ... I love him. I always did. I never stopped loving him - why should I refuse him?"  
"And it took you almost thirty years to figure out your feelings," Kirsti said and Tarja nodded slowly.   
"Thirty ... I'm getting old. He's been loving me for thirty years."  
"It sounds worse than it is," Kirsti tried to calm the younger woman.  
"I'm getting 44," Tarja groaned. "I'll soon need a place in the nursing home!"  
"You have some serious age problems," Kirsti chuckled. "You got second a baby six years ago, Tarja. You're everything else than old."  
"Well," Tarja sighed and stroke the little one's head. "Do you think he really wants me as his mum?"  
"You are his mum. He'll have no other choice." Kirsti bumped her body against Tarja's, the same gesture that Tuomas always did.  
"I'll wish my mum was here. She could help me with my decisions ..." Tarja sighed and now Kirsti hugged her tightly.  
"I know ... life isn't fair, baby. But if you want me to, I could act like I was your mum ..."  
Tarja smiled at her future mother-in-law. "You already do."  
The women hugged for a while, until Tarja stood up and carried her son into his room. And after she tugged him into his blanket, he opened his eyes. Just a bit.  
"Stay with me ... mommy ..." he mumbled and Tarja kissed his forehead, tears glistening in her eyes.

"Where are we going?" Naomi whispered. "Hey, I can't leave Vicky alone!"  
"Vicky has found a new friend," Matti replied and pulled her further.   
"Hey," Naomi said with a pout. "Lara is really nice. So where are we going?"  
Matti didn't reply. His heart was beating up to his throat as he pulled the girl farer away from the house. "Tell her," Tuomas had said. "Tell her now, believe me. I didn't tell Tarja when I should have and that was a mistake. Tell her somewhere magical ..."  
So Matti pulled her to the most magical place he knew, which happened to be the shore of the Kiteenjärvi. "Are you kidnapping me?" Naomi giggled and pulled her hand away. "Matti, we're already enough far away ... Let's stop walking, otherwise we'll have to walk back so far."  
"Really?" Matti said. "I wanted to talk to you alone ..."  
"We are alone," Naomi said and pulled him to a bench on the side of the street. "So, what is such a secret that no one else can hear it?"  
"Can you remember the night in the shed? On your father's island?"  
"He's not my father but yeah ... I remember."  
"Sorry ..."  
"No problem."  
Matti kneaded his hands. "So ... when your mother crashed inside ... we were about to ..." he felt silent.  
"Oh," Naomi said quietly. "Yes ..."  
"How about ..." Matti started, but Naomi silenced him quickly by giving his lips a gentle peck. The boy smiled. "So you like me?"  
"Like you a lot," Naomi said shyly and leaned in. So did the boy and their lips met again ...

"Where's Namu?" Tarja asked as she came back from Jan's room.  
"Matti and her left," Jukka's youngest daughter Lara replied and Tarja immediately wanted to go outside and look for them, as a soft hand grabbed hers.  
"Leave them alone," Tuomas replied. "They need some time alone."  
"Naomi is only ten!"  
"And you're only -"  
"Don't say it!"  
"Beautiful forty-four." Tuomas grinned.  
"Hate you," Tarja mumbled.  
"You don't."  
"I don't ..."

They had vanished as quiet as they could. No one had seen them.  
Now his tongue ran along her throat, her jawline, her ear.  
She breathed quietly, held herself back not to scream too loud.  
His hands were everywhere but mostly on her hips. On her waist. On her breasts. On her ass, pushing her harder against him.  
Her whole upper body was leaning back, her hair was stroking the black wood of the piano.  
His mouth covered hers as she gasped for air. Her hands blindly reached for his shoulders and she grabbed them, dug her nails into his skin, scratched it, leaving red marks.  
"Tu -!!" she only brought out in a high pitched voice before Tuomas inserted his tongue into her mouth. He grabbed her hips and pulled her against him once more, releasing himself into his girlfriend.  
Tarja collapsed against his body after she had come and as Tuomas let go of her, she fell back and crashed on the piano.  
"I'm dead ..." she mumbled and giggled and Tuomas bent over her.  
"Music and Tarja ... my two favourite things combined," he whispered and brought his hands up to touch her. "Tarja ... I can't believe you're mine at last ... Finally..."  
His eyes were full of love as he looked down at the naked goddess on the piano. She smiled at him, pulled him down. "Never forget this moment ... this moment you're almost crying because you finally have me. Okay? Never forget this ..."  
"No need to try, I'll never leave you again," Tuomas mumbled. "Or kick you out ... or get you pregnant ..."  
"If you do, I'll hate you forever."  
"You can't hate me."  
Green met blue.  
"I can't," Tarja whispered and Tuomas bent down, locking their lips.  
"Can you please stay naked? I want to take you over and over ... I have to catch up years of separation."  
"Tuomas, if you'll still love me when I'm eighty, you can take me every day until then."  
Tuomas laughed. "An eighty year old Tarja? My God, of course I'll love you forever. Until we die ..."  
"Until we die ..." Tarja whispered and wrapped her legs around her man. "I don't want to talk about that, I've just found back to you."  
"True, we're still young. You're only -"  
"Don't," Tarja hissed and put her hand on his mouth. "Don't say it ... just - just carry me to the bed ... I want to show you how much I love you ..."  
And he did, he pulled her off the piano and once they hit the bed, she straddled him and sat down on his lap slowly. Soon both of them were in their beautiful, lustful world once again, a world full of love and happiness, a world where nothing of their past happened ... a world for only them two.

"And where have you two been?" Emppu asked them as they came back.  
"We were ... looking for Naomi and Matti," Tarja replied, her cheeks glowing.   
"Ah," Emppu said. "They are over there."  
"Right ..." Tarja giggled as she saw her daughter in the corner - a book in her hands, reading to Matti and Vicky. Probably in English.  
"I don't care about what you did," Emppu said and slapped Tuomas' arm. "I'm so happy for you two, really. Just don't forget inviting me to your wedding!"  
"Emppu!" Tarja called. "How could we forget you? You're our best friend!"  
"Aww, you're the cutest," Emppu gushed and embraced her. "By the way," he mumbled into her ear, "you smell like you've just had sex."  
"Well, doesn't it smell good?" Tarja replied with a cocky grin.  
"Hey, don't flirt," Tuomas chipped in and pushed Emppu away. "She's mine."  
"Calm down." Emppu laughed. "I know how much you love her, Tuo. I'd never steal her from you, not even if I could. Now that you finally have her ..."  
The couple exchanged a happy look.  
Now.  
Finally.  
After thirty years of loving this beautiful, wonderful, amazing singer ... he finally had her. With ups and downs, true, but now Tuomas was happy ... finally. He didn't feel depressed anymore, or as if something was missing in his life.  
"I love you so much," he mumbled a while later. Everyone had left besides Matti and Vicky of course, but the children had went to bed as soon as the last ones (Teuvo, Timo, Toni, Kirsti and Pentti) had left.  
Tarja gently took his face between her hands.  
"Tuomas," she said. "I've never thought I'd ever say this ... but I love you so, so much. I take back everything about you being a terrible boyfriend. You're the most perfect boyfriend one could imagine and the best Daddy ... really. I don't regret anything. I'm happy we met each other back in 2016. I'm glad we slept together, I'm glad I got pregnant ..."  
"That's what I wanted to hear from you from the moment yout came back," Tuomas chuckled and pushed Tarja back on the bed. Tarja shrieked and giggled.  
"Are you going to punish me now?"  
"Punish? What do you want me to do, darling?"  
"I don't know ... whip me."  
"You're stupid."  
"Do we have a whip?"  
"I do, somewhere I have one."  
Tarja stared at him. "Really?"  
"I own several things, why wouldn't I own a whip too?"  
"True."  
Tuomas looked at her. "I won't whip you. I will never hurt you, no matter what. If you beg me to hurt you, I'll still say no."  
Tarja suddenly got tears in her eyes. "And will you ever ... use me?"  
"Use you?"  
"F-for sex ..."  
"Rape you??"  
"No ... use me. Like you don't love me but you fuck me everyday to get your release ..."  
"Gosh no!" Tuomas shouted. "Why do you think I would ever do that?? I love you Tarja, I always have and I always will. And if you say no, you don't want to sleep with me, I won't force you. Why do you think I'd do that? Tarja ... how could I ever do that to you? You know me - right?"  
"Right. I'm sorry." Tarja shook her head. Tuomas wasn't Marcelo. He wasn't like him, not at all. "I know you never would. I love you ..."  
"Love you too, Tari. My queen ..."  
Tarja snuggled herself against his body and he wrapped his arms around her. She felt so safe in his arms ...


	9. Chapter 9

August 17th

A soft voice awoke her.  
"Happy birthday to you ..."  
Tarja yawned and opened her eyes, looking right into the loving eyes of her boyfriend.  
"Don't ..." she mumbled and received a peck on her lips.  
"Happy birthday, dear Tarja, happy birthday to you," Tuomas finished and Tarja moaned.  
"Someone ever told you that you can't sing?"  
"There was no need to, I've heard myself sing," Tuomas chuckled and stroke over his girlfriend's cheek. "You're getting more beautiful with everyday, really."  
Tarja blushed and wanted to thank him, as he suddenly gasped.  
"Is that a crinkle on your forehead?? You're getting old, Tari."  
"I hate you," Tarja whined and covered her forehead. "You know that I don't want to talk about my age ..."  
"Oh come on, as if you looked like 44. You look like 43, tops!"  
"You're stupid," Tarja mumbled.  
"But you love me." Tuomas eyed her.  
"I guess I do," Tarja mumbled and rubbed her eyes. "Could you hand me my phone? I need to take a look at crazy fan edits."

For the next minutes they scrolled through collages of Tarja made by fans. Some of them were good, some weren't. Tarja smiled at birthday wishes but neither replied nor liked the pictures.  
"If the fans only knew that you read every comment," Tuomas said and Tarja shook her head.  
"Not always. Hell, I don't have always time to read every post of those crazy Winterstorm members - Tuo?"  
"Mhh ..." Tuomas suddenly sniffed at her neck.  
"What ... are you doing?"  
"You smell so good," Tuomas sighed and kissed her throat. His lips trailed lower and Tarja closed her eyes.  
Until a strange feeling washed over her.  
"Oh -" she gasped and pushed him away. "Oh f - wait ... wait, I have ... pains."  
"Pains?" Tuomas asked with a horrified face.   
"Cramps in ... in my - belly."  
"Cramps!?"  
"Yeah - I think I'm about to get my period."  
"Oh." The blood slowly went back into Tuomas' face. "Okay."  
"I'll be right back," she whispered and kissed his cheek before leaving to the bathroom.  
And really. "Vittu. I thought I checked the calendar ..."  
She went to the toiletry bag to check and really - her period was three days too early. "Must be the new pill," she decided and went back. "Everything's alright," she said but didn't let Tuomas touch her for the rest of the morning.

At noon, the little patchwork family went to a nice restaurant. Jan and Naomi acted as always; while Jan tried to get every attention from Tarja, Naomi pulled herself back. She didn't say a word, she just ate in silence and went outside after she was done eating. Alone.  
"Tarja! Did you see that cake?" the girl could hear the little boy's voice from the inside. "Is that cake for you? Because of your birthday??"  
Naomi inhaled deeply. 'Don't cry. She doesn't like you less than Jan. Why would she? Only because your father ... your father hurt her. Yes, he did. But he loved her ... and she loved him too. So she loves you too ...'  
Her own thoughts made her cry and suddenly she craved for her mother's shoulder to cry on ...

Naomi looked up as someone touched her shoulder. For a second she had thought that it might have been her mother, but it was Tuomas.   
"We're going home, Namu," he said and his heart ached at the sight of the girl's red eyes. "What's wrong?"  
"I kind of have enough," Naomi said and crossed her arms. "Jan is so attention seeking! He steals my mum from me."  
"You know that he doesn't do that on purpose," Tuomas said quietly. "He never had a mother, it's new for him. And he loves her. How couldn't he? But - Namu. Do you think that you mother could forget you ...?"  
"Didn't she already?" Naomi grunted and threw a look inside, catching the blonde boy pressing kisses on the black haired woman's cheeks.  
"He loves her," Tuomas repeated quietly. "And he's her son ... give them time to grow close, Namu. They've just found each other."  
Naomi threw an angry glance at her mother's boyfriend.  
"I wish -" she started, her fists clenching and her voice shaking. "I wish that mum hadn't met you five and a half years ago! You destroyed everything! Without you, none of this would have happened ... everything with dad, he would've never ..." she covered her face with her hands.  
Tuomas was shocked but he could also understand the girl. Of course she was hurt. But what had that dickhead named Marcelo done??  
"Naomi," he said calmly. "What did your father do?"  
"Besides cheating on Tarja, nothing," Naomi mumbled.  
"She's your mum, Namu. Don't talk about her as Tarja."  
"Oh? She doesn't act like my mum."  
"Come on, don't change the subject." Tuomas looked down to the dark blonde girl. "What did he do?"  
"Nothing, okay?? Really. He didn't do anything to me, I promise."  
Tuomas didn't suspect that he had probably done something to Tarja and stopped asking Naomi.  
"Okay. But Namu - believe me. Your mother doesn't love you less than Jan ... I know, he's attention seeking. I see it myself, he treats me as if I wasn't there. But you have to understand him, really. He needs nothing more than a mother ..."  
Naomi sighed. "Okay. I get it." She leaned her head against the man's arm. "You're a great dad," she mumbled. "To Jan ... and to me."  
Tuomas smiled.

"Tarja! Tarja." Jan tried to calm down but failed madly. "Can I watch TV tonight? Can I?? Please, it's your birthday, can I?? Please, Tari, please!"  
"How about if we watch a movie all together?" she asked. "You and your dad and Naomi and I?"  
"I don't think that Naomi likes me," Jan said but nodded. "Maybe she wants to. Let's ask her."  
Tarja looked outside and her heart clenched a little. Naomi was rubbing her eyes - had she been crying? Tuomas rubbed her daughter's back and Naomi leaned on his shoulder.  
Tarja smiled. Looked like Naomi had accepted Tuomas as her father ... Tarja had prayed that she would.  
"Tarja?"  
Tarja looked at her son. "Yes?"  
"I'm happy you came to us," the blonde boy mumbled. "I've always wanted a mommy like you ..."  
"Oh, sweetheart." Tarja sighed and ruffled the boy's hair. She looked up as she saw the flash - the woman who had taken a picture quickly put her phone away and approached her.  
"Am I disturbing?"  
"A little," Tarja replied but smiled. "Can I help you?"  
The woman blushed and mumbled a quick "Happy birthday" before asking for an autograph. Tarja signed her handbag and the woman left her alone again.  
And Jan stared at his mother. "You also have to write your name on people's stuff, just like daddy!" he wondered and Tarja laughed.  
"It's normal, baby ... at least for us."  
"I know." Jan laughed. "The most crazy thing was when a girl started crying as she met us at a Christmas market. She fell on her knees, crawled to my daddy and hugged his legs ... do you understand that?"  
"Honestly ... I do, yes," Tarja laughed. "You'll understand once you're older, baby."  
"Understand what?"  
Tuomas had sat down at the table again.  
"Why Nightwish fans start crying when they see you in real," Tarja replied.   
"And why is that so?" Tuomas wanted to know.  
"Well, I think everyone would be disappointed to see you in real life after all those edited pictures of you on the internet, Tuomas."  
"I hate you."  
"You do?"  
Tuomas hesitated. "Nope, not really ..."  
"Good." Tarja grinned and kissed Tuomas' lips, ignoring the flashlight around them. Seemed as if their relationship would go public soon. Her heart jumped a little at the thought that Marcelo would find out about it too ...  
"Let's go home?" she mumbled against his lips and Tuomas nodded.

They went home. The couple was holding hands, Jan was jumping up and down next to them.  
And Naomi walked behind them, her eyes dark. She missed Vicky ...  
Until ...  
"Namu?"  
Tarja had let go of Tuomas and was now waiting for her daughter. Naomi smiled lightly while Tarja embraced the girl.  
"Thank you for everything," Tarja mumbled and hugged her. "I owe you so much ... in all this chaos you're just ... the perfect daughter."  
"Don't panic, mum," Naomi said with a small smile and received a kiss from her mother.

"Can you bring our kids to my mother?" Tuomas asked Tarja in the evening.  
"It's my birthday, let's bring them together," Tarja suggested but Tuomas shook his head.  
"I need to prepare something. Please."  
Tarja groaned. "Please. No proposal."  
"Are you crazy, woman?" Tuomas snorted. "I'm not even divorced yet. Don't be scared, I won't ask you for the next two or three years."  
Tarja acted relieved but inside it hurt her. *Get a grip!* she told herself. *First you didn't want a boyfriend and now you're pissed cause he won't ask you. You're PMSing, really.*  
So Tarja brought her kids ("their" kids, as Tuomas had said) to Kirsti and Pentti. She knew that Tuomas was up to something, but she had no idea what.  
"Heeeei! Happy birthday!" Tuomas' parents greeted her, hugged her and kissed her.  
"I kind of promised Jan we'd watch a movie together tonight," Tarja said with a bad conscience. "Maybe you can watch one?"  
"Of course, we will," Kirsti laughed. "Sure, you and Tuomas will be busy tonight." She grinned and Tarja blushed.  
"Well ..." she muttered. "No idea what he's up to do."  
"What do you think?" Pentti chuckled and Tarja's heart almost stopped.  
"He's going to propose?" she whispered and the older couple laughed loudly.  
"No. He's not that stupid. You just got divorced and his divorce isn't done yet. Just think logically, Tarja."  
Tarja quickly thanked them for looking after her children, trying desperately to change the subject.  
They told her it was no problem and wished her loads of fun with another broad grin.  
Tarja was driving back home, thinking of what they had said. He wasn't stupid, he wouldn't propose to her ...  
The wish to get married to Tuomas overwhelmed her so madly that she almost started crying. Tarja knew that she couldn't have sex with Tuomas this night, she simply couldn't because of her period. She thought of the possibility to get sterilised and decided to drive to the hospital to ask if they could do it now, but then she decided that this was stupid. She couldn't get sterilised, at least not now.  
With a sigh, Tarja drove into the garage and stopped the car. She just wanted to get out as her phone made a sound and she checked her messages ...  
It was one of her contacts from that partner finding site! Tarja clicked on it, wondering why someone would still write her. Her status said "taken" ...  
'Dear Susanna', the man called Mark wrote. Tarja smiled. She and Mark had written the most, he had been her first choice ... if Tuomas hadn't been her true love. 'I just wanted to wish you a wonderful birthday, my beauty. 45 is a great age ;)'  
Tarja smiled. The conversations with Mark had been amazing. Once she had sent a picture of herself to him, one where she hadn't worn make up but her glasses. His reply had been,  
'You kinda look like Tarja Turunen.'  
"Susanna" had replied, 'People tell me all the time. It's annoying! :P'   
And Mark had answered, 'Then don't listen to them ... and me. You're more beautiful than her, really...'  
This had both hurt and amazed her. He obviously didn't like Tarja's looks as Tarja ... but he liked Tarja's looks as Susanna.  
'Actually I'm 44 now,' she now wrote back. 'I only wrote 44 into my profile cause I didn't want to change my age at my birthday. Strange explanation. I know. I'm lazy ... :)'  
'How logic! No, really. I understand you. Haha. At least the part with being lazy,' Mark wrote back after a while. 'So you've been young when we texted each other?'  
'Now I'm old?' Tarja chuckled.  
'Indeed. Old-er.'  
Tarja grinned - but the next sentence made her smile fade.  
'Can we meet one day?'  
'You're really nice, Mark,' she replied. 'But see, I'm taken ... and I know for a fact that he's the right one. I'm sorry. I hope you'll find your one too.'  
'Lets meet just as friends. I miss our daily conversations,' Mark wrote back and Tarja sighed.  
'Okay.'


	10. Chapter 10

"I'm home!" Tarja called as she entered.  
Silence. "Tuomas ...?"  
She switched on the light and looked around. "Baby?"  
No answer. Tarja rolled her eyes. "I'm not in the mood, honey!" she shouted and rushed through the living room, right into the bedroom - which was empty.  
Tarja suddenly felt angry. What an -! Where was he? Why was the window open??  
With a groan she walked to the window but just as she wanted to close it, something hit her forehead. Someone had thrown something against her. "Ouch!" she yelled. "Vittu. Are you serious, Tuomas?! I'm not in the mood, really!"  
But as no answer came, she lifted the piece of paper from the floor and opened it to read what was inside.  
And the words made her heart clench with sadness and love ...

'Would you do it with me  
Heal the scars and change the stars  
Would you do it for me  
Turn loose the heaven within  
I'd take you away  
Castaway on a lonely day  
Bosom for a teary cheek  
My song can but borrow your grace  
Ever felt away with me  
Just once that all I need  
Entwined in finding you one day  
Ever felt away without me  
My love, it lies so deep  
Ever dream of me

I love you, Tarja. You're my ever dream.'

Tears filled her eyes as suddenly someone wrapped his arms around her from behind.  
"I've never been that hurt than when you married," Tuomas whispered into her ear and Tarja sobbed quietly.  
"I didn't know ... I'm sorry ..."  
"I told you I wanted to take my life," Tuomas continued, "for the first time after you married."  
Tarja turned around, looking into his sad eyes.  
"I ..." she whispered. "I really didn't know ..."  
"Only Emppu knows how I did it," Tuomas mumbled. "He found me ... I did it in the garage. I started the car and switched on Oceanborn while writing letters to everyone ... he must have heard it. He opened the garage just as I had fainted ..."  
"You're so stupid!" Tarja whispered. "If I - if I had lost you I would have killed myself too ..."  
"So we would have been together even earlier ..." Tuomas caressed her jaw but Tarja shook her head. She was just speechless.  
"So you told me your biggest secret," she then finally whispered and swallowed. Should she tell him?  
"Kind of ... one of my biggest secrets." Tuomas shrugged. "Another secret would be that ... I ..." he blushed. "Tarja, I kind of used Anette to get over you."  
Tarja was shocked. "You - used her for -?!"  
"Mh ... yes. Sadly. I hurt her pretty bad as I told her I just used her -"  
"See, that's what I meant as I said you're a horrible man," she scolded and pushed him away.  
"You said I'm a horrible boyfriend," Tuomas countered and Tarja snorted.  
"I should've said man. You're a horrible man and I despise you."  
Tuomas grinned. "Wanna have sex?"  
"No." Tarja crossed her arms.  
"Come on ..." Tuomas took her waist but Tarja pushed him away. "Fuck off."  
"Tari!" Tuomas said begging. "It's your birthday!"  
"And you just told me you fucked Anette to get over me. You're such an asshole! I can't believe I fell in love with you ... why can I only love assholes??" Tarja shook her head.  
"It's over, Tarja ... Anette has never cared."  
"Ah, shut up. Of course she has cared." Tarja glared at him. "You - I - damn, I'm so furious. Believe it or not, I cried for months after you threw me out. Poor Anette wasn't as strong as I was."  
"You weren't in a band with her. She is stronger than you are."  
"Why are we talking about her?" Tarja suddenly said. "It's my birthday - serve me!"  
Tuomas, as furious as Tarja, obliged.  
At least he thought he did as he pushed her back on the bed and pulled the clothes off of her.  
"No! Stop! I don't want to sleep with you now!" Tarja shouted again, shocked about what he was doing. She had said no!  
He was doing the same thing as Marcelo ...!  
"You don't even know what you're saying," Tuomas growled and grabbed her tits. Tarja gasped and tried to push him away, but he pressed his lips on hers, forced her legs to parten.  
"Get - off!" Tarja gasped and bit his lip.  
"Ouch!"  
Tuomas pulled away. "Why did you bite me, baby?"  
"Why do you do this? I said no, Tuomas!" Tarja glared at him.  
"I'm sorry ..." Tuomas whispered and looked at her apologetically. "I won't force you."  
"Thanks," Tarja muttered, but it seemed as if Tuomas had misunderstood her. Instead of being rough, he was gentle now. Gently he pulled her panties down, gently he started massaging her clit ...  
"I'll still said no," Tarja suddenly said. "We have to talk. Really."  
"Let's talk later. I need you."  
"I can feel that." Tarja muttered and sighed. "I have my period, Tuomas."  
"I don't care ..."  
"Okay, you're gross." Tarja sighed but suddenly she got furious again. "No!" she crawled back. "I don't want to ... I'm not in the mood, I feel awful and - and I -" Her eyes went wide. "You wanted to rape me ..."  
"No!" Tuomas shouted and got close to her but she pushed him away.  
"Get away!" she yelled.  
"Tarja -"  
Tarja grabbed her panty and threw it at him. It hit his face and fell to the floor.  
"Shut up! Stop raping me! All of you!" Tarja sobbed. "I'm a woman ... I'm not a thing ..."  
Tuomas watched the scene in shock. A naked, sobbing Tarja on his bed, begging for everyone to stop raping her ...  
"Tarja - I didn't want to rape you ..." Tuomas said. "I just tried to change your mind ..."  
No answer, only sobbing. "Who raped you?" he whispered and Tarja lifted her head.  
"What do you think?" she breathed and Tuomas' face went pale.  
"Marcelo."  
It was no question, it was a statement. And since Tarja didn't disagree, it was a fact.  
"I'll kill him." Tuomas said calmly. "I'll seek him, kill him and I'm going to keep him in one of my coffins in the basement."  
Tarja shook her head. "Don't - don't kill him ..."  
Tuomas cracked his knuckles. "I'll kill him, Tarja."  
"If you kill him, I'm going to leave you."  
Now Tuomas crawled on the bed and took her into his arms. "Okay. I won't ... you know that I just said it out of rage. Why didn't you tell me??"  
"Because I wanted to forget it," Tarja mumbled and Tuomas pulled her close.  
"I'm sorry that I tried to force you ... put on some clothes. And then let's talk ..."

So they talked. About everything.  
Marcelo. Nightwish. Anette. Johanna. Their past, their present and their future. About Jan. Naomi. Simply everything ...  
And after they were done talking, they decided to turn this night into a wonderful night after all. And Tarja had had the perfect time idea ...  
"Your island," she had whispered. "Where it all started, Tuo. Nightwish. Our love ..."  
"Our love started on my island?"  
"I think so. Three weeks ago, Tuo?"  
Tuomas smiled. "Okay. Let's go there.

After packing their stuff they drove to the island, not caring about the time. They had driven to the island to various times already, so one in the morning wasn't even that bad.  
While Tuomas was guiding the boat Soile to his island, Tarja watched the stars. She smiled. It was something magical ... driving the boat with Tuomas alone, it made her think back of her first year in Nightwish ... only that this time she and Tuomas belonged together.  
And only that this time, they went skinny dipping in the cold lake.  
Only that this time they embraced and kissed each other ... Tuomas hands trailed up, caressing her hardened nipples ...  
"Wait ... wait ..." Tarja suddenly whispered and climbed on the wooden pier. She rushed to the house to remove what could disturb them while having sex and came back a minute later. She jumped into the water again and swam towards him, hugged him and pulled him close. They kissed gently. Just the way it should have went two hours ago.  
"Now I'm ready," she mumbled.  
Her legs circled around his middle and she got up a little, making herself ready for him. And then she lowered herself on him, making him slide deeply into her.  
"I thought you had your period ..." Tuomas mumbled against her lips while she was moving up and down his length.  
"Doesn't matter in the water," Tarja whispered and leaned her head back. Tuomas kissed her chest, collarbone, throat and jaw. She looked so beautiful in the moonlight ... her skin was white and her hair was deep black.  
She looked like a siren from the deep ...  
"Tarja ..." Tuomas moaned against her wet skin. He was so close. "Tari ..."  
Tarja moaned loudly as he released himself, sliding off of him.  
"Are you -?" he started weakly, but Tarja silenced him with a kiss, while dragging him to the shore. It wasn't comfortable on the shore, the water was cold and stones were pinching his back, but as Tarja straddled him, all of that was forgotten. She lowered herself on him once again and continued the ride.  
And Tuomas could only stare.  
The naked glory on him was Tarja Turunen ... and she was his. She was looking down at him, her eyes filled with lust and love, her hands roaming his chest ... she smiled at him as she slid up and down, making him think he had gone to heaven.  
"What?" she whispered and bent down a little. "Aren't you enjoying it?"  
"More than that," Tuomas breathed. Her long hair tickled his chest. "Please don't stop ... never stop, my love. My siren. My angel."  
"Shhh ..." Tarja mumbled and suddenly her eyes rolled up. "I'm - I'm cumming ..."  
"Let me watch," Tuomas begged and Tarja stroke her hair back to let him watch. And then she came, her eyes rolling up, her whole body stiff. Her lips parted and soon she let out a breathed "Oh", followed by a long groan. And finally she let out the operatic scream he had waited for.  
While she was still unconscious, he rolled her over and continued thrusting against her.  
She moaned his name over and over, and only a minute after her first orgasm she came again. And so did he.  
Together they tumbled over the edge, together they collapsed in the water.  
For a few minutes no one of them said a word, until Tuomas looked at her.  
There she was.  
Lying in the water naked, the moon shining on her milklike skin. Her nipples were stiff and her eyes were closed.  
"Tarja?"  
She looked at him.  
"Hm?"  
Tuomas continued staring at her and Tarja grinned. "Having new ideas for songs?"  
"Several," he whispered and swallowed while his eyes trailed over her body again and again.  
She blushed. She knew that he had always looked at her like that.  
Always.  
Already twenty years back. Twenty-five years back!  
"Do you want to make love again?" she asked and he nodded.  
"But first I want to look at you ..."  
She was a goddess. Or a siren. She had to be! As he had said, written and thought before - a siren from the deep had carried a child to him.  
And exactly this siren smiled at him beneath the moonlight now.  
"Oh, come here," he mumbled and claimed her lips.  
His tongue entered her mouth, finding hers within a second.  
They kissed gently, passionately, loving. And while they kissed, they got on their knees, Tarja circled her legs around his again, Tuomas sat down. And Tarja sat down on him, riding him to ecstasy once again. Their upper bodies rubbed at each other as she slid up and down, her nipples grazed his, she looked down at him and smiled.  
His eyes were so dark and filled with lust and love, just as hers. Tarja sighed when his hands went up and felt her breasts, kneaded them, caressed her stiff nipples. She leaned her head back to let out a long moan and then she looked down at him again.  
He looked at her as if she had never seen something more beautiful. Which he hadn't.  
Tarja wiped away the sweat on his face and cupped his cheeks. "Love you," she breathed and kissed him, never stopping to ride him.  
"Forevermore," Tuomas breathed back.


	11. Chapter 11

August slowly ended and Nightwish soon started touring again.  
Tuomas first had a bad conscience for leaving Tarja alone with the kids, but then he remembered that she fully understood why he had to - after all she had been touring around for years as well.  
Tarja kissed him passionately at the train station, not caring about the pictures that were taken by passing by fans.   
"I love you," she whispered and pecked his lips. "I love you so, so much."  
They smiled at each other, Tuomas' heart swelling with love. This woman was simply everything.  
He cupped her cheeks. "We'll talk everyday."  
Tarja nodded. "I always have time ... I love you so much ..."  
Tuomas hugged her tightly. Finally she could say it to him. Finally she meant it ... and finally he could return it without having a bad conscience.  
"You're my world, Tarja. The light of my life. My Love, my one and only ..."  
They kissed again, until Floor grabbed Tuomas' shoulders and pulled him away from his woman.

'How was your day?'  
Tarja started smiling lightly. 'It was good. How was yours? Did you find a woman?'  
'Well ... no. Not yet,' Mark replied. 'It's hard to find a partner if you're already over 45. How did you do it?'  
'I'm not 45 yet, maybe that's the reason.' Tarja chuckled. 'How old are you again?'  
'Do you really want to know?'  
'Yes! Maybe I have a friend who'd like to meet you ... :)'  
Mark needed some minutes to reply but then he wrote, 'I'm 52.'  
"Oops," Tarja mumbled. He was in the same age as Marcelo ... Maybe he was right with finding a woman. Tarja couldn't think of any of her friends who would date him. Even though he was really charming!  
'I'm sorry, I can't think of anyone ... :('  
'Haha.' Mark wrote back and Tarja sighed. She could feel how he felt. Disappointed. 'Do you work at the pharmacy in Kitee by the way?'  
'No, I don't. Why?' Tarja bit her lip. Maybe she should tell him the truth ...  
'I've been there a few days ago.'  
'What?? You were in Kitee? Why didn't you tell me?'  
'Well ... I am a shy guy :( and you're with someone already anyway, so ...'  
Tarja felt bad immediately. 'Tell me when you're in Kitee for the next time, okay? I'd like to do something with you.'  
'Actually I'll be there in a week again,' Mark wrote. 'Can we meet in that café close to the bookstore? It's my favourite bookstore, that's why I'm always there ...'  
Tarja chuckled. 'When?'  
'Friday at three?'  
'I'll be there.' Tarja promised. 'Can I take my children? My boyfriend won't be able to look after them ...'  
'Of course! :)' Tarja smiled as Mark wrote that. He had already told her he loved children and that he had also three children. Poor man ... three children and divorced ...  
*Just like Marcelo* Tarja told herself. Well ... Marcelo was even divorced for two times.  
'Looking forward,' Tarja wrote.  
Mark sent back a smiley, nothing else.

"Mum?"   
Tarja jumped slightly - not because it was ten in the night, no. She jumped because it wasn't Naomi ...  
"Jan?"  
The blonde boy stepped into the living room, where Tarja had just opened a bottle of red wine. "I can't sleep ..."  
Tarja shoved the bottle away. "Come here," she said gently and Jan climbed on her lap.  
"When will daddy come back?" His eyes were full of tears.  
"Soon, sweetheart." Tarja smiled. It was true after all, 'soon' was her favourite word.  
Jan buried his face in Tarja's chest, sobbing.  
Tarja was shocked. "Baby! What's wrong?" she whispered and her son looked up to her.  
"Mommy ... mommy left the same way. All of a sudden she was gone and never came back! I'm afraid that daddy won't come back as well ..."  
"Oh ..." Tarja pulled him close. "Your Daddy never left you alone before, or did he?"  
"No ... only once, when grandpa picked me up from Paris. That was so sad."  
"Oh, I know sweetheart." Tarja sighed. "He will come back, though. You know why I know he will?" Jan shook his head and Tarja smiled at him. "Because he loves us."  
Jan started smiling. "He loves you?"  
"He loves me and you and he also loves Namu."  
"He looooves you?" Jan giggled and clapped his hands. "Tuo-mas and Tar-ja sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes looove, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage!!" The boy giggled and kissed Tarja's cheeks, while the woman was laughing.  
"No, sweetheart. No baby."  
"Why not?" Jan pouted.   
"Well ..." *You were the baby ...* "We're a little too old for a baby."  
"But you're only ... twwwwenty-seven! Plus fifty years!"  
"What?" Tarja called and laughed. "How old are Tuomas and I?"  
"About thirty," Jan said and put his finger on his chin. "Perfect age for getting married."  
"Do you want me to marry your Daddy?" Tarja asked softly and the boy's eyes started to shine.  
"Yes!" he whispered. "Would you be my real mommy then?"  
"Yes ... yes, I would." Tarja smiled lightly and Jan hugged her.  
"Yay!! Yes I want you to be my real mommy! I can't wait until you two marry! I can't wait until you'll be my - why are you crying?"  
"I'm... I'm so sorry," Tarja sobbed. "I'm just happy ..."  
"Why are you happy?"  
"Because ... because I have you, my sweet, sweet Jannie..."  
And the boy hugged his crying mother, not knowing that she was his real mother. He still hoped to get to know his real mother one day, but until then he'd be happy with Tarja.  
More than happy.   
Tarja was beautiful, she could sing and she loved him. She was always sad in Jan's eyes, but she was strong and smiled all the time.  
Jan loved her. And he knew she loved him too.

Later they were cuddling in Jan's bed.  
"And then?" Tarja whispered.  
"Then ... then auntie Floor and her daughter visited us. She's only a few months younger than me."  
"I know," Tarja said with a smile.  
"We played hide and seek and ... and while I hid under the table, I heard my daddy and auntie Floor talk about my mommy. Floor said ... she said something about that she believes that mommy was going to come back. And daddy said he still loved her more than anything. After years and after all what happened. And that's when I started to believe that she will come back."  
Tarja caressed the blonde head. Tuomas hadn't talked about Johanna ...  
"Did he tell you how he met your mommy?"  
Jan nodded. "Of course! They went to school together! He fell in love the first time he heard her voice. He said she was the most beautiful girl he has ever seen. Then she joined his band and he was too shy to tell her about his feelings. That was long before auntie Floor was in the band!" The boy stopped a second to take a breath. "He said he wasn't always nice to her and this he regrets the most. He told me to be nice to the girl I like. And I am nice to Leea."  
Tarja squealed. "Leea? You have a girlfriend?"  
The boy blushed. "She's so pretty. She's my girl. And I treat her like a queen."  
"Awww!" Tarja gushed. "Can I meet her?"  
"I think so. We'll be in the same class at school, my daddy and Leea's parents have promised us. Then you can meet her."  
Tarja was taken aback. Her son was a womaniser! Well, he only had one girl so far, but he already had a girl! Well, of course he had. He was a catch. He was hers and Tuomas' son after all ... he was beautiful and talented and he was nice as well ... he treated Leea like a queen. And Tuomas regretted not always being nice to her, so much that he even told his son to be nice to the girl he liked.  
Once again Tarja told herself that Tuomas was indeed a wonderful man. And a wonderful Daddy.  
"What else did he say about m- your mother? Besides how she looks?"  
"Not that much. He missed her ... now he has you." The boy beamed at her and Tarja smiled, especially as he touched her cheek. "Will you stay with us?"  
"Forever," Tarja promised.

Days later she grabbed the kids and driven to to café in which she'd meet Mark. She was nervous, of course, she had never met him before after all. But the fact that he wanted to meet her in a café and didn't mind that she had taken her children was a good sign. She sat down, ordered a coffee for herself and cocoa for Naomi and Jan and pulled out her phone.  
No message. She was too early, he wasn't here yet.  
"Who is this stranger even?" Naomi groaned.  
"A friend," Tarja said. "You will see, he's nice. He has three children himself, I think he even said that his daughter is 10. Maybe you could become friends."  
Naomi snorted. "I don't even know him or his daughter so don't expect anything. Will he bring her along?"  
"I don't think so, she's living with his ex-wife," Tarja said and took Naomi's hand. "Are you okay?"  
"Of course," Naomi huffed. "Soon I'll see Matti again every day ..."  
"Great!" Tarja tried to hold eye contact with her daughter, but she broke it. "Namu ..."  
"Please leave me alone," Naomi said quietly and pulled her hand away.  
Tarja felt like crying, until -  
"Mommy! Mooommyyyy! The woman wants something from you!" Jan was pointing at the waitress, who came closer shyly.  
"Hi, sweetie," Tarja said in her usual Tarja-way. "Can I help you?"  
"T-T-Tarja?"  
Tarja laughed. "Yes?"  
The waitress gasped. "Can I... can I have an autograph?" the young woman then asked with a high pitched voice and Tarja signed her notepad with a laugh.  
"How are you?" she asked. She always meant it. She cared about her fans.  
"I'm close to a heart attack," the waitress whispered and pressed the notepad against her heart. "I'm so glad you're back in Kitee. I love you."  
"I'm glad I'm back, too," Tarja said, stood up and hugged the waitress.  
The young woman couldn't believe it. Tarja Turunen had just hugged her! "Thank you so much," she then said and smiled at Naomi and Jan. "Your children are so cute."  
"They can be," Tarja chuckled and the waitress giggled.  
Naomi rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone, starting to text Matti.  
Soon a little queue had built in front of Tarja's table. About five to six people were patiently waiting for Tarja, and after almost twenty minutes Tarja had heard all their love declarations and signed various things for them.  
As everyone was gone she looked at her phone, gasping as she saw that Mark had texted her.  
'I'm here. I don't want to disturb though ... I'll wait until the signing session's over, ok?'  
Fuck.  
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!  
Of course he had seen her and probably he wasn't sure what to think of it.  
'I'm done' she typed and looked around.  
Where was he?  
He didn't reply. Had he left?  
'Mark? Where are you?'  
Nothing.   
He had left.  
Great. Totally great.  
And again she had hurt another man, a man who was good at heart and wanted nothing more than meet her as a friend. Without knowing who she really was. Tarja just had a talent in hurting good men.  
"Kids, we're leaving," she huffed and wanted to call for the waitress - just as Naomi's eyes went wide.  
She only stared.  
"M-mum?" she whispered. "Don't freak out okay?"  
"Why? What's wrong, Namu??" Tarja was indeed freaking out, what was happening to her daughter?  
Naomi swallowed. "Nothing. I ... I think I've confused this man with ..."  
And Tarja turned around. "Vittu ..."  
She turned back to her kids. "We're leaving," she demanded and just had stood up as -  
"Tarja ..."  
She turned around again. "So," she sighed. "What are you doing here, Marcelo?"


	12. Chapter 12

"What I'm doing here? I wanna see my daughter!" Marcelo said and sat down at the table. "Sit down, Tarja, let's talk."  
"No." Tarja's voice was hard and cold. "Naomi, come."  
Naomi's eyes darted between her mother and her father.  
"Namu ..." Marcelo said gently, while Tarja glared at him.  
As someone suddenly pulled the hem of Tarja's pullover. "Who is that? Is that your friend?"  
Tarja looked at her son and shook her head. "That's ... That's Naomi's dad," she explained and the boy's mouth formed into an O.  
"Will he take her from us?" Jan asked, but instead of Tarja, Naomi answered.   
"He won't," she said in Finnish before she continued talking Spanish.   
"Hello, dad. What are you doing here?"  
"I wanted to see you, honey. You're my daughter."  
Naomi crossed her arms. "What if I don't want to see you?"  
Marcelo didn't reply first, then he said. "Can we talk somewhere else?"  
"No one understands us here," Tarja said and sat down again. "What have you done to Mark?"  
"Mark?" Marcelo laughed. "Mark never existed, Susanna. I was him all the time."  
"How the heck did you find me?"  
"Well ... Susanna Holopainen. Birthday, August seventeenth. I just figured. And then I got your picture."  
"Damn," Tarja sighed. "But you sent me a picture as well ... and we talked Finnish!"  
Marcelo shrugged. "He was a random guy whose picture I found on the internet. And about the help - you remember my friend Antti?"  
"I'm so stupid," Tarja sighed again. He had been married two times. His daughter was with his ex-wife. He had three children in sum. He had told her he was 52.  
She had been so stupid!!  
She looked at the man, who had called her a whore. The man who had hit her. Choked her. Tore her down and had his way with her so hard that she had been bleeding afterwards.  
The way he treated their daughter ... Tarja got scared.  
Of course he would never do anything to the girl, hopefully, but also she had never thought he'd ever do anything to her.  
"Mum? Which language are they talking?" Jan suddenly asked and Tarja smiled.  
"Spanish, darling."  
"Spanish?" Jan looked confused. "Why?"  
"Because they aren't from Finland."  
"They aren't? Namu isn't from Finland? Why? And why are you?"  
Tarja laughed and ruffled Jan's hair - and suddenly Marcelo noticed the boy.  
His look upon him was ... empty at first. Without any emotion.  
Tarja pulled Jan against her, afraid that Marcelo would scare him.  
"So this is your son," Marcelo said calmly and Tarja nodded.  
"Yes. This is Jan Tuomas."  
"Ah." Marcelo went quiet for a while before he whispered, "he looks like him ... only his eyes ..."  
"I know," Tarja said, her teeth pressed together.   
"Dad? Can we do something?" Naomi suddenly asked and Marcelo tore his eyes from Jan and looked at Tarja again.  
"Can I?" he asked.  
Tarja was torn apart. She didn't want Naomi to be sad. But she knew what he had done to her mother, she had even said that she didn't want to see him, first. But Naomi needed to see her real father too ...  
"Okay," she said quietly.  
"I'll bring her home at six," Marcelo said and Tarja shook her head.  
"She'll be at home at five o'clock and not a second later. Otherwise I'll call the police and I'll tell them everything. Heard me? Everything, Marcelo."  
Marcelo swallowed and nodded. "I promise."

Tarja and Jan left the café. "What do you want to do now, baby?" she asked and Jan took her hand. It warmed her heart.  
"Can we go for an ice cream?" he asked, his big green eyes upon his mother in a begging way.  
"Sure," Tarja laughed and after going back and buying some ice cream at the café, they went to the park nearby to eat it.  
"Why doesn't Naomi's dad come from Finland?" Jan suddenly asked.  
"Well ... just because," Tarja replied. This boy was so curious.  
"Where is he from?"  
"Argentina."  
Jan's eyes grew wide. "Where is that?"  
"Far far away," Tarja laughed. "I've lived there for some years ... it's very different than Finland. In front of all it's only hot there. There's no snow."  
"Never?" Jan asked.  
"Never," Tarja said and laughed. "Not like here."  
"Sounds sad."  
"Well, especially during the Christmas time it was sad. Thank God I had my Christmas concerts to get into Christmas mood."  
"You had concerts??" Jan asked. "Right, you're a singer. But you had real concerts?"  
"Me and my band," Tarja chuckled.  
"You have a band? Like daddy??" Jan jumped up and down.  
"Yes," Tarja said and took a deep breath. "Your Daddy and I even had the same band once."  
Jan didn't reply first. Tarja guessed that he first had to understand what she just had told him.  
"You were in my dad's band?" he then asked quietly. "Do you know my mommy, then?"  
"I know your mommy," Tarja said softly.   
"How is she?" Jan asked on. "Is she as pretty and talented and wonderful as daddy always told me??"  
"Well," Tarja laughed. "Well, yes she is." She blushed but then she told herself that she could be egoistic - he didn't know that she was talking about herself. "She was a little diva but she had the right to. The guys didn't treat her right and she was way too talented to stay. And leaving the band was the best that has ever happened to her. She has so many fans. And her fans are amazing, really. They treat her like a goddess ..." Tarja fell silent. Her fans ...   
She missed them so much.  
"Was she nice?" Jan asked.  
"She was nice, yes," Tarja said. "She loved you very much ..."  
"Why did she leave?"  
Yes.  
Why did she leave?  
Why did Tarja leave? Why did Johanna leave?  
"She had to."  
"Why?"  
Tarja hugged her son. "Oh, I don't know, baby ... I don't know ..."

Marcelo kept his promise.  
Even before the clock turned to five, Naomi was back.  
She was quiet, didn't say a single word, didn't look at her mother.   
"What's wrong, baby?" Tarja asked after a while and Naomi cleared her throat, pushing her plate away a little.  
"I wanna go back with Daddy."  
For a few seconds only the ticking of the clock and the clinking of Jan's cutlery as he ate was heard; Tarja stared at her daughter dumbstruck.   
"To Spain," Naomi said. "During the autumn holidays."  
Tarja let out a breath. "I thought you meant forever," she said and Naomi shook her head. "No. Not at all."  
"Okay," Tarja said quietly. "I mean, I can't let you stay away from your father..."  
Tarja's eyes slowly travelled to Jan, who was eating in silence.  
Yes, she couldn't make Naomi stay away from her father, such as the welfare office and the adopting office had tried to make her stay away from Jan.  
"Really? You'll let me spend the holidays with him?" Naomi's eyes widened and Tarja nodded.  
"Of course, baby. What else should I do?"  
The girl stood up and hugged her mother, stiffly, they hadn't hugged in a while.  
"Thank you so much. I love you," the girl said quietly and Tarja sighed.  
What else should she do?

"But I love you as high as I can hop, smiled Big Nutbrown Hare and he hopped so high that his ears touched the branches above -"  
"Tarja?"  
Tarja stopped reading and looked at Jan. "Yes, Jan?"  
Jan looked at his mother, his green eyes wide apart. "When is daddy going to come back?"  
"Soon," Tarja sighed. "Listen, the world tours always last a while. I think he'll return before the autumn holidays and he'll spend two whole weeks with us."  
"When is that?" Jan wanted to know. "The holidays."  
"In three weeks," Tarja said and Jan started to think.  
"Naomi will leave us in three weeks?"  
"Yes, but she'll come back."  
"When?"  
"Before school starts."  
"Naomi's dad isn't taking her from us?"  
Tarja was shocked. "No! No, baby, no."  
Jan sat up in his bed. "Why do you always call me baby?"  
"Because -"  
"I'm not a baby. I'm already five."  
"Sorry. How should I call you then?" Tarja smiled at the boy but he didn't answer the smile.  
Instead he asked, "Can I ask you something?"  
"That was a question already," Tarja grinned. "Sure. Shoot."  
"Why did Naomi call me stupid?"  
"She did what?" Tarja gasped and Jan shrugged.  
"Matti and her were talking. I wanted to play with them but Naomi said no. After she shut the door she said to Matti that I am too stupid to notice..."  
"Notice what?" Tarja whispered.  
"That my mother is not gone," Jan mumbled. "My real mother. She said she is ... close. I don't know what that means... can you explain?"  
"It means that Naomi is in trouble," Tarja said angrily and pushed Jan back into a lying position gently. "Good night, Jan."  
"Good night, Tari. And please don't hurt Naomi."  
"I won't," Tarja chuckled and switched off the light, she had completely forgotten to finish Guess How Much I Love You.  
She walked into the living room and sat down next to her daughter on the couch.  
She immediately started talking. "Are you crazy?"  
Naomi rolled her eyes. "What did I do now?"

In his room, Jan tapped to the light to switch it on. Tarja had seriously forgotten to finish the book! If he could only read ...  
But sadly he couldn't. Tarja needed to finish the book! Or maybe he'd ask Naomi, Tarja had seemed pretty upset ...

"You told Matti - damn, Tuomas is calling."  
She accepted the Skype call and smiled as she saw his stressed but beautiful face in her laptop.  
"Hi, Love," he said. "Hi, Namu. I have to make it quick, the concert starts in half an hour. I succeeded to get away for a while."  
"That's why it looks as if you're on the toilet," Naomi chuckled but Tarja couldn't laugh.   
"What's wrong, babe?" Tuomas asked and looked at his girlfriend's angry face in worry. Had he done something wrong?

Jan stood still as he heard his father's voice. Daddy? He was back??  
He held his breath, if he really was back, he'd jump out of the corner now and scare him! Jan felt excited, he wanted to startle his father before he got lifted up and twirled around.

"I'm angry at Naomi," Tarja answered and Tuomas' face softened. Okay, he had done nothing wrong. But what had Naomi done? Had she run away again?  
"She just asked me if I was crazy before you called," Naomi said. "I think she suddenly realised that I'm going to Spain in less than a month."  
"That's crazy indeed," Tuomas laughed. "But understandable. Why are you shaking your head, Tarja?"  
"That's not it," Tarja said through gritted teeth. "Tuo - she told Matti about the thing with Jan. And the boy heard it."  
"Oh," Naomi mumbled and blushed.  
"The ... thing with Jan?" Tuomas started. "Do you mean that we had - uh ..."  
"Yes, Tuomas," Tarja said, saving him from finishing the sentence. "I mean the fact that I am his mother. Naomi told Matti that I am Jan's real mother and you and I lied to him about his mother in every possible way. Stop pulling my sleeve, Namu."  
"And Jan heard it?" Tuomas asked and Naomi groaned.  
"He definitely heard it now," she said and finally Tarja looked up - and right into Jan's face as the boy stood right in front of her.  
His eyes were filled with tears.  
"Vittu," Tarja cursed. "Jan, I -"  
"You are my mother?" the blonde boy whispered and then he got closer.   
"Hey, sweetheart," Tuomas said as he spotted his son in front of the computer, but the boy ignored him. He only stared at the woman.  
"You ... are my real mommy? Not Johanna? You are? You lied to me?"  
"We lied to you," Tarja said softly and reached for Jan's hand, who pulled it away quickly.  
"Why didn't you tell me? I love you, Tari! You told me you want to be my mommy! You already were! Why didn't you tell me??"  
"That's complicated," Tarja said helplessly.   
"You lied to me," Jan sulked. "You knew that I wanted you to be my mommy. Still you didn't tell me."  
"I wasn't allowed to!" Tarja shouted, now looking at Tuomas, who stared at her in shock. "I'm not allowed to see him," she continued weakly and Tuomas shook his head.   
"I have to go, Love. I'm sorry. I'll be back in Finland tomorrow evening. We need to talk."  
"What?" Tarja cried out, but it was too late. Tuomas had hung up.  
"He's coming back tomorrow?" Tarja mumbled and stood up, holding out her hand.  
"Come with me, Jannie. We need to talk too."


	13. Chapter 13

"Can I come in?"  
"No."  
Jan was sulking, but Tarja entered anyway.   
"Jannie..."  
"Go away, Tarja."  
Her heart ached as she called her Tarja. Of course he always did but now it hurt.   
"Honey," she said gently and sat down on his bed. "I'm sorry for not telling you. It would have been too much for you ..."  
No answer. Tarja sighed.  
"Okay, listen. I entered your life only a few months ago, what would you have said if I told you I'm your mother?"  
"I hadn't believed you," Jan mumbled.  
"Why?"  
"Because... because Daddy always said that my mom's called Johanna and that she has red hair."  
"Okay..." Tarja started slowly. "Johanna ... Johanna was your daddy's wife once. But she isn't your mother."  
Silence, again.  
"I don't really understand."  
"Of course not," Tarja said. How to tell a six year old child that his daddy had cheated on his wife? "He was married to someone else as I gave birth to you."  
"So my daddy is not my real daddy?"  
Jan's eyes were full of tears as he looked at Tarja in shock.  
"Of course he is!" Tarja called. "Your dad and I, we are your real parents. Johanna isn't. That's the reason why she left."  
"So she made place for you," Jan reasoned and Tarja smiled.  
"I guess so. Yes. She noticed that she could never be your real mother and that Tuomas still loved me. So she left."  
Jan let himself fall back. "This story is complicated ... how many girlfriends did my daddy have?"  
Tarja laughed. "Only me and Johanna." *At the same time but okay.* "And he chose me for being your mum. And if you allow me, I really want to be your mum."  
Jan hesitated but then he took Tarja's hand. "I wanted you to be my mum, remember? I love you. I want you to be my mum forever."  
"Oh, Jannie," Tarja sighed, hugged the boy and kissed his blonde head. "Guess how much I love you ..."  
"Thanks for coming back," Jan said and hugged his mother. He gave her a shy kiss, directly on her lips.  
"Glad that we're back to that," Tarja said and kissed him too. "My sweetie."  
Jan smiled. It was new for him, but after all he had wished for Tarja to be his real mother. So his dream had come true. And this was everything that mattered to him.

Tarja stepped back into the living room. Naomi shut her phone and looked up.  
"How is he?"  
"Everything's fine. One day he'll understand what happened back then and he won't judge us."  
"You meant that you and Tuomas -" Naomi shook her head, she couldn't even think of it, "while both of you were still married?"  
"Exactly." Tarja said with an amused look. "He'll be happy that his real mother came back to him and that's all. He won't even think of Johanna anymore."  
Naomi shrugged. "I think she could have been a great mum. I love her."  
"I know," Tarja sighed. "Do you want to watch the Muumins?"  
"Mum, I'm not five anymore!" Naomi groaned.  
But in the end they watched it together.

Tarja stood up early to prepare food for her children. Both of them were heading for school and Tarja couldn't wait to spend some time alone again, maybe write a few new songs, sing a little ...  
"Morning."  
"Morning, Namu." Tarja smacked her daughter's cheek. "Is salami okay?"  
"Sure," Naomi mumbled. "Can I have cucumbers too?"  
"I have to check if we have some," Tarja said and wanted to put the knife away, but suddenly Naomi put her hand on her mother's arm.  
"I'll do that."  
Tarja smiled. Her daughter was about to become reasonable.  
She continued cutting the salami into slices, as a cute little voice made her look up again.  
"Good morning, mum."  
Her heart swelled as she looked into her son's smiling face.  
"Morning, baby," she said gently and Jan held his arms up. Tarja picked him up and received a kiss. "How did you sleep?"  
"Like a stone," Jan yawned. "And I had a dream of you."  
"Was it a good dream?" Tarja asked softly and Jan nodded.  
"I dreamt that you stayed with us forever."  
"I promise that I will," Tarja whispered and kissed her son's cheek before she put him down again.  
"Here," another voice said and Naomi put a cucumber on the kitchen counter.  
"Thanks, Namu. Could you please take the bowls and put them on the table?"  
Wordlessly Naomi did what her mother said, while Jan walked after Naomi. They sat down and Tarja carried cornflakes and milk to the table.  
"Mum?" Jan suddenly said as Tarja sat down.  
"Yes, honey?"  
"So what is Naomi for me?"  
Naomi stared into her bowl, so Tarja answered.   
"She's your half-sister."  
"Ohh," Jan made. "And Naomi's dad?"  
"He's nothing."  
Naomi snorted. "He's nothing for him."  
"Exactly," Tarja said.  
"And what is Tuomas for Naomi?" Jan asked on.  
Tarja sighed. "He's her stepfather."  
"He's not!" Naomi suddenly shouted and stood up. "Or is there something I should know??"  
"Namu, stop acting like a pubescent teenager and sit down!"  
"No." Naomi said. "I'm not hungry." She shoved the bowl away, grabbed her phone and went towards the couch.  
"You could have at least removed your bowl from the table," Tarja said but Naomi ignored her.  
"I'll do that!" Jan said and grabbed Naomi's empty bowl, carrying it into the kitchen. Then he came back, sat down, and poured some milk on his cornflakes. Tarja watched him in awe. "So," Jan suddenly said. "We've talked about this already but now I really want to know."  
"What, sweetheart?" Tarja found him too funny.  
"When will you get a baby?" he asked bluntly.   
"No baby!" Naomi yelled from the couch but this time Tarja ignored her.  
"I told you, we're too old for another baby," Tarja said gently and Jan pouted.  
"But I want a little sibling! Like really! I want a little brother to play with, Naomi hates to play with my cars."  
"Oh, Jannie." Tarja shook her head. "I'm too old."  
"No you're not." Jan was sure of that. "You said you're twenty-five."  
Naomi snorted.  
"You said I'm twenty-five," Tarja laughed. "Truth is, I'm already forty-four."  
Jan's mouth fell open. "So old??"  
Tarja laughed, a little hurt. "Yes, baby. Your mommy is old."  
Jan put a finger on his chin. "I think Leea's mother is older than you."  
"But Leea has older siblings, right? She's not her first kid." Tarja noted in her head to find out how old Leea's mother was.  
"I'm also not your first kid," Jan said challenging.  
"Okay, enough now," Tarja chuckled. "Eat. I have to bring you to school.

Tarja kicked her children out in front of the school and drove back to Puhos. She still couldn't believe that Tuomas had chosen to live there, so close to her father ... so close to her old house. So close to the church ...  
And the graveyard.  
Tarja got out of the car and walked straight to her mother's grave. For a while she just stood there and looked at the stone, before she buried her face in her palms.  
She was sobbing madly, crying, grieving.  
"Oh, mommy ... I miss you so much... why did you leave, why??" she sobbed. "God, why did you take her? Why did you take my best friend??"  
Her voice echoed over the graveyard, best friend ... friend ...  
"Mommy!" Mommy ... "Come back ... come back to me ..." To me ... me ...  
Tarja put her hand on the stone. "I need you ... I can't do this alone. I can't do this, it's too much. Naomi... Jan... Tuomas... Marcelo... my fans, my band ... why did you have to leave?"  
Tarja stared at the tomb.  
"Marjatta Sisko Turunen-Hakkarainen ... beloved wife, mother, grandmother, friend. You've been taken way too early. We're going to miss you." she whispered and nodded. Her father had chosen the text and it couldn't be more true. "I love you, mommy."  
Love you, mommy...  
She sunk on her knees, folded her hands and started to pray.   
*Please let her be happy. Please let her see me and see that I'm happy. Let her be happy that I'm back. That I'm with Tuomas. Let her be happy about Jan, about Naomi. Please tell her I miss her. Please tell her I... no, don't tell her that I don't know what to do next. Please guide me ... I need guidance ...*  
And while Tarja prayed for guidance, someone approached her from behind. Tarja didn't hear the heavy steps approaching her, she only screeched as two big hands grabbed her, pulled her against his tall and broad body. And then the person pressed a cloth on her mouth and Tarja started to feel dizzy. She screamed more, which made her inhale the substance on the cloth even faster ... and suddenly everything around her went black.

First thing that Tarja heard when she came back to her senses, was the motor of a car.  
She sat up, and after the stars had faded, she noticed that she was in a car indeed, in her own car. It wasn't driving though, it was standing.  
"What the ..." she mumbled and looked around, finding out that she was inside of her own garage too.  
And that the engine was running.  
So she was inside of her car, in her garage, with a running motor. With an open car window.  
Tarja shook her head and tried to open the car door - locked.   
"Oh great," she groaned and reached into her pocket.  
No keys.  
Slowly she realised what was happening.  
She was locked in her car with an open window, the garage was closed, the engine was running and the car keys were gone.  
And of course her phone was gone too.  
She was going to die, there was no other way. She couldn't survive.  
Tarja panicked, screamed for help. But she knew that no one would hear her.  
She looked around and noticed the open window once again.  
"The window!" she breathed and prayed that she'd fit through it.  
She climbed to the front seats and looked outside. How would it be smarter, with the head first or the feet?  
She turned around and climbed through it with her legs first, internally cheering that she fit through it.   
Until she noticed that she couldn't go back nor forth anymore. Her hips were stuck in the car window.  
"Are you fucking serious?!" she screamed and cursed her small car. She wasn't that broad, why did her hips get stuck?? She wiggled her hips, hoping she'd free herself through it.  
But nothing, she was stuck.  
Tarja started sobbing. So she would die. Not in the car but stuck in a car window because of her broad hips.  
In horror she grabbed the steering wheel and tried to pull herself back into the car - and really. A minute later she was back inside, with aching hips and crying loudly.  
She was desperate. Who had done this? Why? She would never find out. Also the others wouldn't find out, this looked too much like suicide.  
"HEEEEEELP!!!!" she yelled again. For minutes.   
And then she didn't care about the small window anymore, with her head first she tried again, put her hands against the engine and pressed her hips through the window.  
It hurt, it hurt so much.  
"FUCK YOU, CAR! FUCK YOU, WINDOW! FUCK YOU, FEMALE BODY!" she screamed and hoped that this would give her the power to free herself.  
And really, next thing she realised was, that she was lying on the ground. And that everything was aching, her hips and her hands, on which she had landed.   
But she didn't care for a moment, she had just freed herself from her car! Cheering, she ran to the automatic door opener and pressed the button.   
And of course it didn't work.  
"No ..." Tarja whispered and pressed the button again.  
Nothing.  
"No, no, no, NO!!" she screamed and hit the button with her fist. Someone must have shut the electricity off.  
Tarja leaned against the garage door and sunk down slowly.  
She was lost. The car was running and running and she knew that she would die of a gas poisoning.  
So she lied down on the ground, started crying and waited for death to come.


	14. Chapter 14

Breathing slowly got harder. She could practically feel the gas fill the garage, taking away every bit of clean air.  
She felt dizzy already, her eyes fell close every now and then. After a while she closed her eyes and didn't open them anymore, she knew it was over now.  
"I love you, Tuomas ..." she whispered and smiled. At least she'd be with her mother soon.  
BUMP, BUMP!  
"Tarja? Are you in there?"  
"Tuomas..." Tarja opened her eyes.  
"Tari, baby, say something!"  
"I'm here ..." Tarja whispered.  
"Can you open? I forgot my keys!"  
"I can't open?" Tarja whispered.  
"Tari?"  
Tarja collected her whole strength. "I am locked!" she called weakly. "Open, I'm about to die... the electricity is off ..."  
"What did you do?" Tuomas shouted but Tarja was too weak to answer. "Okay hold still. Don't die, baby, I'll be back soon!" Tuomas shouted and then he was gone.  
"No..." Tarja whispered. "Stay ..."

Tuomas ran to the neighbour house, ringing the doorbell crazily. If he wasn't at home ...  
To his relief, Marttin opened.  
"You need to help me," Tuomas quickly said. "I need your lifter."  
"What for?" Marttin asked.  
"Tarja somehow managed to lock herself in the garage, please help me."  
Marttin didn't hesitate, quickly they went to his garage to get the lifter. Rolling it over to the other garage, Tuomas called for his love.  
"Baby? Are you okay?" No answer.  
"Vittu," Tuomas cursed and rammed the lifter under the garage door. "Okay Marttin, switch the thing on!"  
Marttin did and slowly, very slowly, the lifter did its job and the garage door was opened.  
Tuomas got on his stomach to look inside, with a shock he noticed that Tarja was lying on the ground with her eyes closed.  
"TARJA!" he shouted. Why was the car motor running??  
As soon as the gap was big enough he reached inside to pull her out. Marttin did the same, together they pulled the unconscious singer out and as soon as she was saved, Tuomas lifted her up.  
"Tarja ... baby, please wake up..."  
He stroke her cheek, before he put her back on the ground. She wasn't moving a bit, so he put her glasses off and held them in front of her mouth. The glass steamed up, only a bit but at least she was still breathing. "Call the ambulance!" he told Marttin and then he pulled Tarja's head back, covering her mouth with his.

As Tarja opened her eyes, he was the first thing she saw.  
"Tuo..." she whispered and smiled. "You came back."  
"At the right time," Tuomas said and hugged her. "A few minutes later and -"  
Tarja lifted her hand to touch his face.  
"What happened, baby?"  
"Someone ... tried to kill me," Tarja said weakly and looked around. "Where am I?"  
"Hospital. You have a gas poisoning, Tari."  
"Oh god," Tarja groaned. "How do I look?"  
Tuomas grinned. "Gorgeous. Even with those tubes in your nose and mouth."  
Tarja closed her eyes. "I was at the graveyard ... someone grabbed me from behind. It was a man. He brought me to the garage and locked me, the car was running and I had to free myself through the car window."  
"That would explain your injuries," Tuomas said and leaned in. "Did you see the man?"  
"No. But I know that he was tall and broad. Well, taller than me."  
"Was it Marcelo?"  
Silence.  
"I don't know," Tarja then whispered. "No. No, it wasn't. I was married to him for seventeen years, I know how his grab feels. It wasn't him."  
"But baby, someone drove you home. Someone took your car. Who could it be?"  
Tarja shook her head. She didn't know, she had not a single idea.  
Tuomas came closer and kissed her forehead. "I'm so glad you're alive."  
"Me too," Tarja said weakly. "Did you find my car keys? And my phone?"  
"Car keys yes, phone no. I'm sorry."  
Tarja sighed. "Great. How great. What's the time?"  
Tuomas checked his watch. "Ten past five."  
Tarja sat up. "Our children!"  
"Your father picked them up, honey. They're with him for now and my parents will have them for the night."  
"And us -?"  
"You're staying here for the night and I'm staying with you." He took her hand and Tarja's face softened.  
"Tuomas?"  
"Yes, Love?"  
"I want a new car."  
Tuomas laughed.

Tarja returned the day after, almost healthy.  
She was resting on the couch while Tuomas was picking up the children. The doctors had prescribed an inhaler, sometimes she got breathing problems and then she could inhale. But something the doctor had said made her still laugh out loud:  
"Training your breathing is very important now. Doing sports would be good, but not too much, you could overstrain your lungs. Singing would be even better, fifteen minutes a day to least. No matter what, just sing."  
"Doctor, I'm singing opera songs around two hours a day and I'm used to that, so -" Tarja had said, while Tuomas next to her had tried not to laugh.  
The loud "Mommy!" made her look up, and seconds later, Jan was lying in her arms.  
Tuomas watched them, his heart swelling. This was his son and his mother. And his son had just called her "mommy", he obviously wasn't mad at her anymore.  
Now they were a real family.  
"Mum!" Naomi breathed and hugged her too. "What did you do??"  
"I didn't do anything. Someone else did that to me." Tarja stroke the dark blonde head. "Someone wants to kill me."  
It was quiet. No one said a word, until Naomi took Jan's hand and pulled him away. She understood that this was nothing for his ears.  
"I won't leave your side anymore," Tuomas promised and pulled her close. "We're going to find out who he was and you'll be safe. And now, the reason why I came back ..." Tuomas sighed. "You told me you weren't allowed to see Jan anymore."  
"Yes but then again, how would the welfare office find out?"  
"You're his biological mother!"  
"And I gave him away after signing a contract that I'd stay away from him to give him and you and Johanna peace. But since Johanna is gone ..."  
"Right. We still have to go to the court for that. You need to get the custody for him back somehow. Would be strange if you didn't, you're his mother after all."  
"And he loves me."  
Tuomas smiled. "Yes, he loves you."

Tarja's phone was gone, much to her sadness. A week later she got a new one, and after some discussions, Tarja and Tuomas decided to sell both their cars and get a new one together. A bigger one. A family car.  
Said, done. They sold the cars faster than they had thought and soon they bought their new, big, black BMW (A/N: I'm not into cars, but my boss has a big, black BMW and I thought it could do for Tuorja xD).  
And another week later, the autumn holidays started.  
"I also have to go back," Tuomas suddenly said and Tarja looked at him.  
"I know," she said. He had taken a break from the tour because of her. "When?"  
"My flight leaves an hour after Namu's," Tuomas said and then he looked at Tarja. "I bought three tickets."  
For a short time, Tarja was quiet. Then she slowly understood ... "You want Jan and me to come with you?"  
"Yes," Tuomas said gently. "I would love to tour around with you again. Plus, this way you're safe. And Jan has holidays anyway, so for a week you could come with us."  
Tarja was speechless. "Where are we going?"  
"Belarus. First concert after the break. Then Poland, then Slovakia, Austria and Germany. And after Germany you could fly back."  
"That's... wow. Wow, Tuo, I'm..." Tarja didn't know what to say. She'd tour with Nightwish again, she would tour with Nightwish again!!  
"Do you even want to?" Tuomas asked a little unsure. "Sure, you won't be the singer there but it would be funny anyway -"  
Tarja made him shut up through jumping on him and kissing him hard.

"We're leaving," Tarja announced in the evening and kissed Naomi's head. "Take care of your brother."  
"Always?" Naomi said.  
"Don't go to bed too late," Tuomas warned. "We're leaving early tomorrow."  
"I know," Naomi said and watched Tarja kiss Jan goodbye.  
"You look strange."  
"Thank you," Tarja said with a broad grin. Yes, she had styled herself more than for some concerts, but still. Naomi should know her already.  
They left to their reservation at their favourite restaurant, clinking their glasses on everything that had lately happened. That Tuomas has saved her, their new car, their decision that Tarja would tour with them for a week... and of course that Jan finally knew that Tarja was his real mother.  
"Can I show you something?" Tuomas asked as they drove home.  
"Sure, what is it?" Tarja asked and Tuomas smiled lightly. Instead of their home he now drove another path, a path that Tarja knew all to well.  
"Do you want to show me something on your island?" she chuckled.  
"No," Tuomas said with a light smile. "We need to baptise the new car."  
"Are you serious?" Tarja breathed and stared at him. "You want to have sex in the car?"  
"I've always wanted to."  
"You've never -?"  
Tuomas shook his head and Tarja smiled. "Okay ... let's go somewhere private.

On a shore of Kiteenjärvi Tuomas stopped and shut the radio off. "No one will see us here," he said and looked at Tarja, who nodded softly.  
They leaned in and kissed gently, chaste at first, their lips caressing the other's.  
"Thank you for everything..." Tarja whispered as they pulled back. "Everything, even getting me pregnant. That was the best thing that ever happened to me."  
"Same here." Tuomas cupped her face. "My beautiful ..." He studied her face closely. "How could I ever kick you out of my life?"  
"Let's not talk about that."  
Tuomas nodded. "Let's talk about your stunning beauty."  
"Let's not talk at all," Tarja suggested and kissed her boyfriend again.  
The kiss grew deeper and more passionate after a while, and as Tarja pulled back she breathed, "Let's go to the backseat. It's easier there."  
They climbed back and continued kissing, slowly pulling off each others clothes, throwing them to the front. "You're the most perfect woman on earth," Tuomas mumbled and kissed a path down between Tarja's breasts. Gently he looked up. "Really."  
Tarja smiled. He was the best. Yes, he had his flaws but... he was her soulmate. She had always known.  
"Make love to me," she pleaded and Tuomas nodded. Together they turned, making Tarja lay on the bench. Tuomas placed himself on top of her, parted her legs gently.  
Slowly he entered her, their eyes locked. Tarja gasped at the sensation of him stretching her, and Tuomas chuckled about her tightness.  
"Didn't you do it to yourself while I was gone?"  
"Of course not!" Tarja breathed. "What if Naomi or Jan had heard me?"  
"True," Tuomas whispered and pecked her lips, starting to thrust carefully.  
"Jan wants a younger sibling," Tarja suddenly remembered and Tuomas stopped.  
"Do you want another baby?"  
"No," Tarja said quickly. "Gosh no, I'm still taking the pill. Please, please, please go on. I need you!"  
She clenched her walls around Tuomas, who moaned and immediately continued taking her.  
Tuomas' first time in a car was like an adventure to him, it was so different. Sure, they had less space, but this meant he could be closer to his Love. Sure, they didn't have a light they could dim, but they had the stars above them. After their first orgasm, they opened the rooflight and did for a second time, directly under the stars.  
After the second time, they just enjoyed being inside each others arms for a while, before they drove home.  
And at home they opened a bottle of red wine and let the evening come to a calm end, just before a stressful week was about to start.


	15. Chapter 15

21th October 2021

Tarja stared at the band. Was this really happening? Tuomas had not really asked her to join them for a song - or had he?  
"She's speechless," Floor chuckled. "I don't think she'll be able to sing like that."  
"Hoo-hoo, Tarjaaa," Emppu called and waved his hand in front of Tarja's face. "You awake?"  
Tarja shook herself. "You want me to sing with Nightwish?"  
"She pretends as if she has never done this," Jukka said. "Yes, Tarja, we want you to join us for one song. One song! You think that'll be possible?"  
"Of course, I mean ... sure but ..." Tarja swallowed. Suddenly she felt nervous. "Of course I want to but... this will be so strange."  
"Yes, it will be strange," Tuomas agreed. "But think of all the reviews! And it's also quite a good publicity for you!"  
Tarja inhaled deeply. "Okay. I'll do it. It's only for a week, I mean -"  
She fell silent as the whole band suddenly gathered around her and hugged her.  
Tarja felt like crying.   
This was perfect.

She turned in front of the mirror.  
It was so, so strange. She was wearing the red Nemo coat; after wondering why they still had the coat she had tried it on. And it still fit. It looked so strange. She had loved this coat, it had been one of her favourite outfits, and, truth be told, she had already thought that they had thrown it away. But there she was, in front of the mirror, 16 years older than the last time she had worn it. And it still fit ... it was a little too big even.  
"Wow ..."  
His voice made her turn around. "How do I look?" she asked her boyfriend.   
"Tarja ..." Tuomas swallowed. "You look amazing. Really. Also it hurts..."  
"Yes, I know what you mean."  
"Like, I remember how you looked during our ... last show. You look so different now ..."  
"I'm 44, Tuomas, would be strange if I still looked like 28. Cool... but strange."  
Tuomas got closer. "I didn't mean the age, I meant your appearance in general." He kissed her cheek. "You're... so much more adult."  
"I wish I could give that back," Tarja joked and Tuomas pinched her nose.  
Tarja kissed him.  
"Hey, lovebirds."  
Tarja and Tuomas pulled apart, their faces red. The whole band was grinning at them.  
"Even though this is long overdue," Emppu started, "We really need to get going."

Tarja was nervous.  
She was so, so nervous. It was like years back before her very first concerts, when she had been around seventeen. Those with Plamen Dimov.   
She was shaking. This was worse than any concert she ever had ...  
"Alright ... thank you!" she heard Floor's voice. The crowd cheered for a felt eternity. "Okay ... so, guys, we have a little surprise for you!"  
The crowd screamed and Floor laughed. "Are you ready?"  
Without waiting for an answer they started the intro of Ghost Love Score - and Tarja breathed in ... and out.  
"Mommy!"  
"Shh, Jan baby," Tarja knelt down. "Mommy will be gone for one song, you can watch me from here, okay?"  
The blonde boy nodded and Tarja turned to one of the roadies. "Could you pay attention to him? That he's not going to run onto the stage."  
"Sure," the man promised and Tarja turned back.  
She clenched the microphone and brought it to her lips.  
She breathed one last time ...  
"We used to swim the same moonlight waters. Oceans away from the wakeful day ..."  
And then she walked on the stage, singing the background vocals.  
And the hall was about to explode.  
Screams, cries, fainting fans ... yells, jumps, everything was present.  
Tarja waved them.  
"Scent of the sea before waking afterwards brings me to thee, into the blue memory."

Tuomas used a calm moment to look at Tarja. It was like in former days. She was still the same, jumping around like a rubber ball, waving her fans, "dancing" around, ... he loved her so much. He loved her too much.  
During the calmer part he left his keyboard and walked over to Tarja.  
The fans screamed as they saw the scene and they screamed even more as Tuomas grabbed Tarja, dipped her and kissed her deeply.  
The microphone fell down and Tarja grabbed his shoulders, kissing him back. After a few seconds they pulled apart, their cheeks red. Tuomas picked up the microphone, brought it to his lips, breathed a quick "I love this woman so much", gave it to Tarja and hurried back to his keyboard.  
"I love you too," Tarja said gently and looked back into the audience. Simply everyone was holding their phones in the air.  
Tarja smiled before she continued singing.   
"Bring me home or leave me be. My love in the dark heart of the night! I have lost the path before me, the one behind will lead me..."

 

22th October

"Nightwish featuring Tarja," Jukka read and grinned at the couple. They had just come out of their hotel room, now joining the band at the breakfast table. Jan and Mona were playing somewhere else. "It's like an Internet trend now," Jukka went on and placed his phone on the table. Tarja started scrolling down, someone had made an edit and posted it. And currently it was floating through the Internet.  
"So ... I'll be at the show today too?" Tarja asked and everyone stared at her.  
"Today... and tomorrow..." Floor said.  
"We thought that was clear," Emppu laughed at Tarja's shocked look.  
"Don't you want to, baby?" Tuomas mumbled.  
"Sure, it's just... wow." Tarja shrugged. "It was amazing but so strange. And ... don't be mad, but people will think of it of a reunion. And well... it isn't. This wasn't a reunion. I won't join Nightwish again. I promised that to myself some time go ..."  
Tarja got unsure as the guys and Floor just looked at her.  
"I'm sorry."  
"Hey - no one talked about reunion. And if you really want to, we can tell the fans tonight." Tuomas took her hand.  
"Will you kiss me again like yesterday?" Tarja asked and Tuomas chuckled.   
"I can repeat everything I did yesterday ..." he mumbled.  
"Ewwww, we don't wanna know," Emppu suddenly shouted and the couple remembered that they weren't alone.  
"Alright, let's eat something," Tuomas said.

The show in Poland was as successful. Tarja had many fans there and some of them had come to the Nightwish concert to watch. The whole Ghost Love Score performance got recorded, but this time Tuomas didn't walk over to kiss Tarja.  
He did after the song.  
"Thank you!" Tarja waved again. "Thank you so much. I'm glad to be back to Poland, I'm glad to -"  
Tuomas whirled her around and gave her a kiss. "I love you," he said before Tarja kissed him back.  
The cheers got louder, the longer they kissed and as they pulled apart, they noticed that the band had vanished from stage.  
"Okay, that's mean," Tuomas said. "Could you please come back?"  
"Tarjaaa!" someone in the front row screamed and Tarja knelt down. She reached out and Tarja took her hand.  
"Will you go back to Nightwish?" the girl asked and Tarja stood up again.  
"Someone just asked me if I would join Nightwish again," she said and suddenly it was quiet. Too quiet.  
"No," Tarja said. "I'm sorry but all of us developed and this is my development. I'm glad they asked me to sing with them but I will never join. I have my own band now. Anyway, thank you for the love."  
And she left the stage, went past Floor, Jukka, Emppu, Troy and Marco and picked Jan up. "Come, baby."

"Are you pissed?"  
Tarja turned around in the bed, looking at him. "Why would I?"  
"I don't know... but as you left the stage ... you seemed pissed." Tuomas stroke her hair.  
"I am... you know that I'm still hurt. Let's not talk about it."  
Tuomas kissed her shoulder. "As you want to."  
"Where are we going to be tomorrow?"  
"Slovakia," Tuomas reminded her and pinched her ass.  
"Ouch," Tarja huffed and gave him a slap on his thigh. "I love Slovakia."  
"I know," Tuomas said and whispered, "we should go camping ..."  
"Oh yes," Tarja mumbled. "Camping ... skinny dipping ... sex in the tent ..."  
"Mhh... sounds promising."  
The couple laughed and Tarja finally turned around completely to kiss Tuomas.  
"Can I ask you something?" Tuomas suddenly asked after the kiss.  
"Sure," Tarja said.  
"Well, I've been thinking. It may sound stupid but - we're both divorced now. We could marry ..."  
Tarja groaned.  
"No, let me talk. Tari, do you really want to marry me one day?"  
"One day," Tarja repeated. "Yes."  
"Sooner or later?"  
Tarja looked at him and finally sighed. "Sooner," she whispered. "Which is later, at least in my case."  
Tuomas chuckled. He couldn't believe that she had said sooner instead of later ...

The days went on and Nightwish featuring Tarja got more and more successful. The videos got shared on every known platform, fans got inspired and made edits, wrote Fanfictions (Tarja found one via coincidence and decided not to read).  
Soon the last show with Tarja came up, October 27th in Berlin. It was a Saturday and the day after, Tarja and Jan would fly back to Finland. Naomi's plane would arrive about two hours before theirs, Kirsti had promised to pick her up.  
Tarja was putting on some make up, as Tuomas entered.  
"How are you?"  
"Nervous, again. I've been to Berlin for so many times already, I have so many fans here ..."  
"I know," Tuomas said.  
Tarja looked at him. "Are you okay? You seem nervous too..."  
Tuomas looked at her. "The show is sold out because of you."  
"What?!" Tarja gasped. "Because of me?!"  
"It wasn't sold out until two days ago. I think some hardcore Tarja fans decided to come too in the last minute. Only because of you."  
"Wow," Tarja mumbled. "Wow."  
"Indeed." Tuomas grinned and then leaned forward to kiss her lips.   
"See you later, baby."  
"Will you kiss me again during Ghost Love Score?" Tarja chuckled and Tuomas grinned.  
"Who knows?" He winked at her before he vanished out of her dressing room.  
He went to Jan and Mona and asked his son if her could talk to him for a moment.  
He picked the boy up and carried him away, as far as possible. "Hey boy... what would you say if Tarja and I got married?"  
Jan's mouth fell open. "Will you?"  
"Someday, yes. But not if you don't want to."  
"Are you kidding? I want to! Tarja is already my Mum and you are my Dad - and Mums and Dads have to be married!" Jan shouted and Tuomas smiled.

"The Child will be born again, that siren carried him to me. First of them true lovers singing on the shoulders of an angel without care for love n' loss..."  
Tarja put the microphone down and leaned her head back, enjoying the soft tunes of the slow part. She had always loved this song, the epic intro, the text, everything...  
Suddenly the crowd started screaming again and Tarja opened her eyes, guessing that Tuomas was coming towards her to kiss her again.  
But he wasn't.  
And he also wasn't at his place.  
"Tarja..."  
Tarja looked down and covered her mouth.  
He was kneeling in front of her ...  
"Tuomas, no!" she whispered and peeled the plugs out of her ears to hear him better.  
"Tarja, love, I'm sorry but I don't want to wait anymore. I want to marry you, please just do me the favour... I know you love me, I know you want to marry me. I want you to be my wife. Please don't say no again ..."  
"First time you asked me, I said yes," Tarja said. "But I see that this time you even bought a ring ..."   
He nodded and held it up to her.   
She wiped her tears away. "Okay," she finally sobbed, taking the ring from him. "Yes ..."  
The hall exploded again as Tarja put the ring on her finger and, knowing that Tarja wasn't able to continue now, Floor continued singing. In the meantime Tuomas stood up and pulled Tarja into a long and passionate kiss.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sooo sorry for the break. It's just... I have no inspiration for this story anymore since in my opinion it's kind of over... they're engaged and happy... but of course there's still that unsolved case with Tarja's kidnapping... and then I had another idea. I hope *sigh* I'll be able to continue this shit. Please leave reviews but please don't ask me to continue all the time, it makes me even more stressed if I get 10 "When will you continue HYIMA?" messages a day xD love you guys❤

The news of Tarja's and Tuomas' engagement spread faster than the news of their collaboration. When Tarja came out of the airport, she got overrun by dozens of fans, who had probably spent the last days nights in front of the airport.  
"Tarja!"  
"Tarja!!"  
Tarja smiled and waved, as always.  
"Are those your friends?" Jan asked sleepily and Tarja lifted him up.  
"Smile, sweetie," she said and Jan yawned, just as pictures got taken.  
"Tarja, come here please!" someone shouted and waved. "I'm from Seura!"  
"Oh!" Tarja called. "Coming!" She grabbed hers and Jan's suitcase and walked over to the lady.  
"Tarja Turunen!" The woman's smile was broad. "I think it's okay that I say FINALLY you two got engaged?"  
Tarja laughed. "Yeah ... I guess so too."

A while later, they were finally able to leave the airport.  
Kirsti was waiting for them at the parking lot.  
And Naomi was also in the car ...  
"Namu!" Tarja shouted as she spotted her daughter. Thank God the girl grinned widely.  
"Hi Mum," she said.  
"Naomiiii." Tarja hugged her daughter tight. "I missed you so, so much. So much."  
"Hey!" Kirsti slapped Tarja's ass and the younger woman turned around.  
"Yeah?"  
"Congratulations to your engagement! I thought you didn't want to marry Tuomas?"  
"That was before he saved me and showed me how real love feels."  
Kirsti laughed at Tarja's answer. She had really needed more than 25 years to figure that out.

In the evening, Tarja lay down next to her daughter.  
"Sweetie," she sighed and took the girl's hand. "Are you mad that Tuomas and I are going to marry?"  
"No... not really." Naomi shrugged. "I mean, I'm happy you're together ... I like Tuo and I know that he loves you but ... I don't know. I don't care, not really."  
Tarja stroke her daughter's hair.  
"Are you sure?"  
"Why are you asking me? You are already engaged ..." Naomi looked away and Tarja bit her lip.  
"You do mind, don't you?"  
Naomi inhaled sharply. "I had much fun with Daddy. But he said some really bad things about Tuomas."  
"Of course he did, he hates him."  
"Why? Tuomas is great..."  
"Ah, it's a long story, baby," Tarja sighed.  
"Did they fight about you? Who would be the better man for you?"  
"They did," Tarja mumbled. "Well they did not fight, they ..." Tarja fell silent. Maybe they had fought behind her back?  
"Why did you choose my dad?"  
"He was ... nicer towards me," Tarja replied. "I was very much in love with Tuomas, but he was so stern all the time. The band was the most important thing to him and then there was your dad and he was just nice."  
"So you loved him more?"  
"Sweetheart, I'm afraid I loved them both."  
"So you can love two people at the same time," Naomi said. "Like Bella in Twilight."  
"Exactly like Bella," Tarja said. "Tuomas is Edward and Marcelo is Jacob."  
"And I am who?" Naomi asked. "Can I be Jane??"  
Tarja laughed loudly. "Enough now. So, what did Marcelo say about Tuomas?"  
"That he's a greedy man and that he doesn't really care about you and me ..."  
"Is he crazy?"  
"He's really crazy," Naomi mumbled. "He ... he wants me to move back to Spain."  
"And what did you say?" Tarja asked lowly.   
"I said no, of course." Naomi took a deep breath. "He's crazy. He wants to take revenge on you."  
"Of course he wants that," Tarja said. "Do you know how he wants to do that? Has he told you anything?"  
"Well ... he said something about telling the youth welfare office that you came back and talked to Jan even if you weren't allowed to."  
"What an asshole," Tarja mumbled. "If he does that ... no. I have a good lawyer."  
"And he said something about having a good way to put pressure on you."  
"He really told you all of that?"  
"He thought I would stay anyway." Naomi kneaded her hands. "He has your phone."  
For a few seconds she was quiet, then Tarja jumped up. "He has my old phone??"  
"Yes. The black iPhone."  
Tarja's mouth hung open. "He has -"  
Suddenly everything made sense.  
It hadn't been Marcelo who had kidnapped her but he had been the employer. He had probably paid someone to steal her phone and lock her in the garage, of course! How else could he have known about everything concerning the youth welfare office? She hadn't told anyone...  
"Naomi. Oh my God. Sorry Namu but I need to go. I need to ... call someone."  
"Sure ... no problem."  
Tarja kissed her daughter's head.  
"Love you, baby."  
So she called her lawyer. She told him the whole story and asked what she should do.  
"So you want to sue him?"  
"I do but I have no proofs yet," Tarja said. "I mean he has my phone, maybe that's proof enough?"  
"I suggest you to talk to the police," her lawyer said. "I can't do anything yet but the police will help you with the proofs. Okay? Just tell them the same story as me and keep me informed. Alright?"  
"Alright, thanks." Tarja sighed. She hadn't wanted to consult the police... now it seemed that she had to.

7th December 2021

Tuomas returned to Finland a few weeks later and the couple threw an engagement party.   
Everyone came, the band, friends, family.   
While they were gathered around, Tarja finally told them about her plans.  
"I'm going to sue Marcelo."  
"What?"   
Everyone was shocked.   
"Are you serious? Why?" Tuomas asked calmly.  
"He locked me into the garage, Tuo."  
"But I thought he was taller than Marcelo?"  
"Yes but -" Tarja sighed, as Teuvo interrupted his daughter.  
"Someone locked you in the garage??"  
Tarja sighed again and sat down, starting to tell them the whole story.

After Christmas and after the new year, Tarja went to the police to tell them about what Marcelo had done and what he had tried to do (keep Naomi to himself). The police man, a man in his early thirties, seemed to be a Nightwish fan, since he immediately promised to do everything, everything to make her feel safe, be safe and give her ex husband what he deserved. He contacted a police office in Spain and they also promised to help. Tarja was blessed.  
And before she wanted to leave again, the younger man congratulated her to her engagement. Tarja smiled and thanked him.

But she didn't hear anything from him again for more weeks. But nothing happened anyway, so she slowly forgot about it again.   
And then the desired date came closer ...

9th May 2022

A day before their wedding.   
Tarja kissed Tuomas goodbye, the guys were already waiting.  
He would go out with them, Marco, Emppu, Jukka, Troy, Kai, his brother Petri, his father and Tarja's brother Toni, while Tarja would stay at home with the girls.  
They would drink and have fun, it was only her, her friend Sirja, Floor, Kirsti, Susanna and and Matti's mother Sandra, with whom she had gotten good friends. Naomi and Jan were with her father.  
The women were playing a board game they had commented with a drinking game. Floor had done this and now proudly called it "Floor's drinking Clue". It was funny and got even funnier the more they had drunken. And then it happened.  
At the point where Tarja was too delirious to function right, the doorbell rang.  
"Who's theeeere?" Tarja slurred and stood up, kicking over her game figure.  
"Sit down, Tarja," Kirsti laughed. "You won't even find the door anymore. I'll open." The blonde woman stood up. "Don't look at my cards!" she shouted and Susanna immediately pulled her hand away, laughing.  
Kirsti walked to the door. Tarja was so done already, she would have a huge hangover the next day. Kirsti decided to get up early to drive to a pharmacy. And now she just wondered who was at the door -  
It was Johanna. 

"What is taking so long?" Susanna wondered after a while. "Did we order a pizza?"  
"We didn't," Floor answered. "See? We've had Thai food already."  
"Hm," Susanna said and stood up. "I'll check. Take care of Tarja."  
Tarja was hanging over, yes, over the back rest of the couch, her face buried in the fabric. She was sleeping. Every now and then they would check if she was still breathing.  
Susanna got to the door and caught her mother talking to a dark haired woman - a woman who had been red headed once.  
"Jo??" Susanna breathed and embraced her ex sister-in-law. "What are you doing here?"  
"I ... uhm ..."  
"Tell her," Kirsti chuckled. "You'll have to explain to Tarja as well."  
"Well," Johanna lifted her chin. "Tuomas invited me to his wedding."  
"What??" Susanna gasped and suddenly Floor came around the corner.  
"Johanna!" she said surprised and hugged the other singer too. "Tuomas did what?"  
"He invited his ex wife to his wedding." Kirsti and Susanna looked at Floor, who was shaking her head.  
"Also Tarja promised me I could come," Johanna defended Tuomas. "A while ago but ... do you think she'll throw me out?"  
The women laughed. "At the moment you could throw her out and she wouldn't even notice," said Floor.  
"Oh." Johanna laughed.  
"Well, it's Tarja's house but ... come in," Kirsti finally decided and they led her to the living room.  
"That's Johanna," Floor introduced her to Sirja and Sandra. "She came a little later than expected. Want some Thai food, Jo?"  
Johanna smiled. It was so sweet from Floor to pretend as if she was invited ...

An hour later Tarja stirred. Sirja and Susanna had been throwing pencils at her during the last minutes (Kirsti had scolded them for their immature behaviour, but it had worked. She stirred - and looked up.  
"Ouch!" she moaned and stared at her friends. "Why are you doing this??"  
"Already hungover? Because you surely look like it," Kirsti said dryly and everyone laughed.  
"Ai vittu," the singer mumbled and crawled from the back rest. "Was the stripper already here?"  
"He called, he'll come later," Sirja said. "Until then you could strip for us."  
"You wish!" Tarja called and suddenly her look fell on Johanna.  
Her eyes widened.  
"Jo?"  
"Hey, Tarja," Johanna said gently. "Sorry I'm disturbing ... you can throw me out if you want to."  
"No ... no, I won't throw you out but - why are you here?"  
"I wanted to give you a little something," Johanna answered and went to her bag. She pulled out the parcel and gave it to her. "Listen. You invited me to your wedding but I can't join. That's why I'm here now. It hurts, Tarja. It hurts so much ... everytime I think of him I can only think of what he has done ..."  
It was completely quiet.  
"I understand you," Tarja whispered. She stared at her feet.  
"But hey - I finally understand that he never loved me." Johanna laughed bravely. She was so strong. "So take this as a sign that I forgive you. Only you, I'm afraid I won't be able to ever forgive him."  
Tarja laughed and hugged the other dark haired. "Oh Jo ..."  
"You're so lucky. He's a perfect husband ... for you."  
"Thanks," Tarja cried into Johanna's shoulder.  
"I'll give you my number. I want us to stay in contact."  
Tarja nodded and watched Johanna writing down her number.  
"Now, let's go on playing!" Tuomas' ex wife shouted as she was done. "No more sentimentalities! You said something about a stripper?"

Tuomas couldn't enjoy the party. Too much was going on in his head, what if he fucked it up again? He wasn't made for marrying, at least he thought so. He would fuck it up again. Sure, he'd never cheat on Tarja - but he and she were made to fight. Or not? They had always fought. They had never gotten along. He loved her - but what if he hated her in a few years? She would surely hate him. She had already hated him once ...  
This wasn't right.  
He looked at his friends, who were enjoying the striptease of the blonde strippers. Emppu had even succeeded to get a lapdance from one of them.  
No one noticed how Tuomas grabbed his stuff and went outside.  
No one saw him taking the bus.  
No one saw him waiting at the railway station, no one saw him getting inside ...


	17. Chapter 17

"Good morning," Tarja yawned.  
Everyone stared at her.  
"What?"   
Finally Kirsti spoke up. "Are you hungover?"  
"Just a little. I already took something though." She grinned. "For an upset stomach. And the vertigo. What's wrong with you?"  
Everyone looked at her sadly.  
And finally she saw him, he was sitting at the corner of the table, next to Susanna.   
"Emppu!" Tarja called. "What are you doing here?"  
"I have to tell you something but you should sit down," Emppu said gently.   
Tarja took a chair and sat down. Was something wrong with Tuomas? Her heart was skipping beats. Their expressions were serious.  
"What's wrong?"  
"Tuomas vanished last night," Emppu said.  
"What?"  
"He just vanished. Suddenly he was gone. As if he beamed himself away. First we all thought he went to you cause hell, you and him can't be apart for a single night ever since the tour is over. But Kirsti said he didn't come yesterday."  
"First we thought he maybe snuck himself into the house," Susanna said. "In this case he must be upstairs. But I already checked every room besides yours."  
"So - is he in your room?" Kirsti continued. "If he is, just tell us. Don't care about the traditions."  
"But he's not in my room," Tarja said quietly. "At least I haven't seen him."  
"He's not at home either," Tuomas' mother said to the other women. "Where could he be?"  
"And ... he's not with Jukka? Or Marco?" Tarja asked.  
"No," Emppu answered. "And he doesn't answer his phone. Sorry, Tar."  
Tarja shook her head. "I can't believe it. He ran away."  
"Come on, don't cry wolf," Sirja said but Floor nodded.  
"That ... sounds like him."  
"Floor and I know him better than you, Siri. It sounds like he had gotten cold feet."  
Floor nodded again.  
"But he loves you," Sirja said.  
"It doesn't matter. He has never been the man to marry. I watched him and Johanna for three years," Kirsti now said. "Of course it could be different with Tarja but it doesn't have to be."  
"Exactly," Tarja sighed. She couldn't believe he had left.  
"So ... now what?" Emppu asked. "Will we pretend as if everything was okay and hope for a miracle?"  
"Yes." Tarja decided. "I just - I'll apply my make up."  
Everyone stared at her as she left.  
"She's crazy," Susanna said quietly. Everyone agreed.

Tarja sat down on her bed. With a smile she called him.  
"Sorry, babe. I had to go downstairs."  
"No problem, love," Tuomas replied. "Are they shocked?"  
"Very," Tarja giggled. "Where are you?"  
"Well, I wanted to drive away. But I couldn't leave you."  
"We should have waited," Tarja sighed.   
"No. No, Tari. I love you and I want you to be my wife forever. I'll be there, I promise. Right now I'm on my island."  
"Where else?" Tarja laughed gently. "Where did you want to go?"  
"I don't know, maybe Lapland."  
"Then let's go to Lapland!" Tarja said. "On our honeymoon."  
"I love you, Tarja. See you later," Tuomas said gently.  
"Until then, baby," Tarja replied. 

"Wow."  
Their eyes were wide as Tarja came down. "I'm ready," she said gently.  
"Wow," Susanna said. "You look ... wow."  
"Fabulous," Kirsti said. "If Tuomas won't come, he definitely misses something.  
Tarja blushed.  
"Thank you."  
Her hair was done up in a big bun, only two strands of her curled hair hung down. Her eyelids were silver, her lashes long and black. Her lips were shining in a light golden tone. She turned twirled around, making everyone look at her beige dress. It looked a little like the one she had worn to the Ave Maria concerts in 2015 but without the jacket.  
"You look like a princess," Jan commented and Tarja giggled. She kissed the blonde head.  
"So you're my prince," she whispered and ruffled his hair.  
"Gosh, Tarja! I just did his hair!" Susanna raged and came closer, holding up the comb up threatening.  
"No! Go away, aunt Sussu!" Jan squealed and ran away.  
"That boy," Tarja heard Susanna mutter and she ran after him. "Jan!"  
Tarja laughed. "How do I look, Namu?"  
Namu shrugged. "Nice. I like your hair."  
"You're not looking forward to the wedding, are you?"  
"Not really. I mean it's cool that you two are going to marry but it will be boring as hell. I'm glad that Matti will be there."  
"It won't be boring as hell," Tarja said a little hurt. That girl was too much in puberty already, even though she wasn't even eleven yet.  
Suddenly Tarja heard a scream. Susanna had probably caught her nephew and was combing his hair. Tarja laughed. "Let's go?"

Sirja and Susanna were wearing light purple dresses that reached to their knees. They looked nice but Tarja looked outstanding.   
Her smile was breathtaking as she got out of the car.  
Tuomas' heart almost stopped as she smiled at him, broader than always.  
He couldn't believe his luck. He couldn't believe anything of what was happening. He was marrying Tarja. After an ugly dismissal. After years of separation. After years of silence. After everything that had happened, after hateful interviews, the Nightwish biography, after hateful song texts to him. After regretful song texts to her.  
When Tarja had been 16, he had fallen in love with her.  
At the age of 20, he had loved her even more and more. With 23, he had been jealous. With 26 he had been depressed. And after those years everything had changed, their whole relationship seemed to be destroyed. Their friendship seemed to be over.  
He had thought he had lost her forever and it had definitely seemed so. She was happy, super happy, deliriously happy. But then she had returned.  
His long lost love had returned and now he was about to marry her. She, Tarja, his first love, the girl he had craved for since always - exactly this girl was about to become his wife soon. He hadn't even dared to dream of this scenario.  
"Don't cry," Tarja whispered before her lips met his.  
"I'm not -" Tuomas started but his voice betrayed him. He was crying. "Oh Tarja, I still can't believe you're finally mine..."  
"Shut up and kiss me," Tarja mumbled and finally he kissed her back.  
But just as he slung his arms around her, someone pulled him back.  
"You can kiss her later, Romeo, now we better get inside," Emppu chuckled and Tuomas took Tarja's hand.  
"I will never leave you," he said quietly. "I swear I never wanted to."  
"Shut up, Tuo," Tarja said again. "You didn't - right? Let's not talk about it."  
Tuomas squeezed her hand. He knew that he hadn't deserved her.

"Tarja! Tuomas! Can I take a picture?"  
"I know her, she's from Seura," Tarja said and nodded, waving her. The woman came closer, a broad smile on her face.  
"Congratulations, you two. Can I?" She lifted her camera and Tuomas placed his arms around his wife's waist, pulling her close. Tarja smiled her usual breathtaking smile.  
"Beautiful," the photographer commented. "Look at each other."  
Tarja chuckled and looked up, meeting her husband's blue eyes.  
"I love you," he whispered and her heart melted. He would never stop loving her. He had loved her for almost thirty years so he definitely wouldn't stop loving her in the next thirty years either.

A week later they were on their way to Lapland. They couldn't wait to go hiking, cycling and just sleep under the stars.  
Their wedding night had been wonderful, their first night as a married couple.  
And after a week as newly wedded, they knew that it had been the right decision.   
"Welcome to my mystique voyage," Tuomas chuckled as they stepped out of the train. He helped her with her suitcase. "I've been here several years ago already and I just needed to book that hotel everyone's taking about. You will adore it."  
"I'm back," Tarja sighed happily and looked into the sky. She loved Lapland.  
"Of course. Now come on, wife."  
"Coming!" Tarja called and ran after Tuomas, who was already a few metres in front of her.

He led her to a wooden house and they got inside. He greeted a man behind a counter and walked up to him.  
"Holopainen. I booked for two persons."  
The man nodded, turned around and looked for the keys.  
"Ah." He gave them to Tuomas. "Igloo number seven. Breakfast is from seven to nine, lunch from six to eight. Have a nice stay, Mr and Mrs Holopainen."  
'Igloo?' Tarja thought excitedly.  
And when Tuomas led her outside again, she knew.  
They walked a while until they came to the first glass igloo.  
"You're really bringing me here, I can't believe it," Tarja said and jumped a little. "I'm so excited!"  
"Everything for my baby," Tuomas said and took her hand. Hand in hand they walked past the domes, until they reached theirs. A little shield at the door said "7". Tuomas opened the igloo.  
"It's even more beautiful in winter," he muttered. "We'll have to come back soon. Imagine looking up into the sky and seeing the northern lights, but inside it's beautifully warm ..."  
"And we could have sex under the northern lights."  
Tuomas stared at his wife. "Okay we need to come back. Now let's get inside."

Kakslauttanen was famous for its snow hotels. Tarja had always wanted to go there but time had never allowed her to. Now she was here, with Tuomas... on their honeymoon.  
She let herself fall on the bed and stared into the sky. But Tuomas pulled her up.  
"Come on, let's go hiking!"

They walked through the woods, into the village, bought some food, walked back to the woods and sat down to eat.

After dinner, which was held in another igloo behind the wooden house, they went to the village again for a drink. Or, to be more specific, three drinks.  
They clinked glasses to everything that had happened and everything that would still come.  
Tuomas took his wife's hand and looked at her ring.  
Forever yours - Tuomas, the inscription said.  
"So I'll be forever yours," Tarja whispered and Tuomas leaned in to kiss her.

Hand in hand they walked back to the igloo.  
Tarja put on the negligee she had worn in their wedding night and stepped out of the bathroom.  
"Tuo?" she whispered and he looked up from his phone.  
He had never put away his phone that fast, it practically flew through the air as he stepped towards his wife.  
The phone crashed on the ground and Tuomas pulled his woman close and started kissing her neck while Tarja leaned her head back to give him better access. She opened her mouth slightly and let out a quiet moan.   
"Tuo, your phone..."  
"Are you kidding?" Tuomas breathed. "I don't care, I need you so bad ..."  
Tarja laughed and squealed lightly as Tuomas lifted her up and carried her to the bed. He let her fall down.  
Her negligee was transparent and black, what else? Everything of her body was clearly visible.  
"My God, I can't believe you're mine," he mumbled and put his knees on either side of her thighs. He looked down at her, his eyes dark and filled with lust.  
"Do you think I'm sexy?" Tarja asked quietly.  
"How couldn't I? Do you know what I feel for you?" Tuomas replied. His darkened eyes travelled along her body. "Nothing else but love and lust. You're so very sexy."  
"Show me what you feel for me," Tarja begged and put her arms over her head.  
Tuomas leaned down and kissed her chest, kissed a trail down, kissed the valley of her breasts.  
"Can I take that off?" he whispered and unclasped the straps of the negligee. On the wedding night he had almost torn it apart in his need for her, but now he knew how to open it.  
"Please," Tarja said gently and Tuomas pulled it down, exposing her breasts, her stomach, her hips and her thighs. And finally he pulled it off and threw it onto the floor, next to his phone.  
"You're mine," he mumbled again and captured her lips to proof his words.


	18. Chapter 18

Tarja threw her head back and moaned. His lips were everywhere, his hands were simply everywhere. Tarja thought that one day she'd have enough of his loving, but she didn't. He made it something special everytime.   
This time she could feel how his beard left scratches all over body as he kissed her everywhere he could reach. She put her arms over her head, he sunk his lips down to her side and nipped her skin. It was covered with goosebumps.  
She screamed quietly as his lips met a part of her skin which was very ticklish. She writhed beneath him.  
"Tuomas don't... I'm ticklish!"  
He didn't listen to her, instead he brought out his tongue and licked her reddish love bites.   
"Tuoooo," she moaned and dug her nails into his shoulder blades. "Fuck ..."  
"Shh ..." Tuomas chuckled. He knew her too well. She needed him desperately and he needed her just as desperately. He let his lips travel to her upper body again, where he started to caress her breasts.  
"Tuomas ..." Her eyes rolled up and her lips fell apart.  
While his lips were working on the soft skin of her bosom, his hands reached down to part her legs. "I'm here," he promised quietly.  
"Forever?" Tarja breathed and grasped his hands. He pressed them down and locked their eyes.  
"Forever. Forever yours."  
Tarja felt like crying. She was so, so happy. A quiet sob escaped her lips but Tuomas silenced her quickly through pressing his lips on hers.  
And then he sunk down between her thighs, pushed forward and made love to her like he never had before, while her eyes were fixed on the starlit sky above her.

A few weeks later Tarja was walking down the street of Kitee. She felt like jumping, dancing, singing. This time it was wonderful news, surprising yet wonderful, and she couldn't wait to tell Tuomas.   
But sadly she had to wait until he came back from the tour. And she knew that after those news he would probably pause Nightwish again. Or disband it. Tarja didn't want that but the happiness was too big. At the moment she didn't quite care about Nightwish or anything else.  
But then it happened.  
She had just reached her car and reached into her pockets to get her keys, as she felt the same grip around her as she already had felt once.  
And then the cloth was pressed on her mouth again.   
Tarja reacted quickly and without thinking.   
Instead of the keys she grabbed the pepper spray, reached behind herself and pressed the spray cap.  
She heard the man behind her scream and the cloth fell to the ground.  
Tarja turned around and watched the stranger rub his eyes.  
"Are you sick??" he called.  
Tarja reached inside the bag again. "I have an electronic shocker too!" she screeched. "After that first time you wanted to kill me ... I'm not helpless anymore!"  
"Don't call the police!" the man shouted and tried to get his sight back.  
Tarja felt proudness. She had hit exactly into his eyes.  
"Who are you? And why shouldn't I call the police?"  
"I'm just - I'm only doing what Mr Cabuli told me to do," the man said quietly. Tarja noticed that he didn't seem happy. "I never killed someone before ... I certainly didn't want to kill you. But Mr Cabuli pays good."  
Tarja was speechless.  
"Marcelo wants my death?" She was simply shocked.  
"I'm sorry, Ms Turunen," the man apologised and blinked. Slowly he was able to see again.  
"Mrs Holopainen," Tarja said and the man mumbled a quick congratulation.  
"See, he wants your daughter back and knows he won't get her back as long as you're alive."  
"What an asshole!" Tarja raged and then breathed in and out. "What's your name?"  
"Aleksi," the man answered. "Toppinen."  
"Listen, Aleksi - whatever Marcelo pays you, I'll pay more. What's the fee?"  
"Seven thousand Euros," Aleksi said.  
"What? My death is much more worth than that!" Tarja was angry again. "Okay. Why did you accept for such a small fee? Marcelo is damn rich."  
"But I'm not and I need money. My wife is dead and my son is ill. He has mucoviscidosis and can't eat anything but the therapeutic food without the pancreas medicine the doctors prescribed, but I lost my job so I can't afford them ..." Aleksi covered his eyes.  
First Tarja was touched that Aleksi showed his feelings. He was a good man, he'd do everything for his son. Even kill her ...  
Then she noticed the weals on his fingers.  
"Do you play guitar?" she asked and Aleksi looked at her.  
"I do, acoustic guitar and electric. And I play bass too. My son and I love rock music."  
Tarja smiled.

'Found a new bass player :)' she informed her band soon after Aleksi had signed the contract.  
The man had been happy, finally he had found a real way to help his son.  
"But I don't get why you never joined a band," Tarja said after she welcomed her new band member.  
"Well, no one ever wanted to take me in," They said. "After I told them I had a son but no wife, they all said no."  
"Well here I am, mother of three children but still the boss of my band. Welcome on board."  
"Three?" Aleksi looked at her. "I thought you had two children! Wow, those Wikipedia informations aren't good at all."  
"Oh," Tarja laughed. "Don't tell anyone. You're the first one who knows about my pregnancy."  
"What?" Aleksi called. "Wow, Tarja! Congratulations! Really, the first one?"  
"Yes," Tarja said challenging. "You almost killed a pregnant woman."  
Aleksi stepped from one foot to another. "Can we forget a out that? I think I hadn't succeeded anyway. Kill Tarja Turunen ... please. I must have been crazy."  
"No," Tarja said gently. "You did it for your son. I understand you."  
She knew she was maybe too forgiving, too kind or even too naive - but everything was better than giving Marcelo his will. And with Aleksi's help, they could even sue him.

Tarja told Tuomas and the children the whole story the day he came back. She had cooked a big dinner and while all three of them were eating, Tarja watched them with a smile.  
"Jan," she suddenly said and the boy looked up.  
"Yes, mommy?"  
"Do you still want to have a little sibling?"  
The boy's eyes went wide. From the corner of her eyes Tarja saw how Tuomas watched her.  
"Yes!" Jan said and jumped up and down. "Will I get one?? Will I get one??"  
"Well ..." Tarja's eyes were full with tears. "Yes," she then whispered and Jan jumped from his chair.  
"Yay!!" he screamed and ran to her to hug her. Tarja hugged him back, crying into his shoulder.  
"Don't cry, mommy," Jan said and patted her back. "Don't be sad."  
"I'm not - I'm not sad ..." Tarja smiled at him and looked up. Naomi's look was not interpretable and Tuomas' look was full with disbelief.   
"Tuo, Namu!" Tarja said. "I'm pregnant."  
"Oh my God..." Tuomas now mumbled and pulled his wife into his arms. "Are you serious? Really serious?"  
"Yes, Tuomas."  
"So this time we want it?" Tuomas' question was quiet, of course Jan didn't know yet that he hadn't been exactly a planned kid. Or even a nice surprise.  
"Yes. We want it." Tarja's smile was proud and then she looked at Naomi.  
Who was finally smiling.   
"Oh god, not another little brag," she laughed and hugged her brother.  
"What's a brag?" the boy asked his sister, who waved off.  
"Forget it."  
Jan looked at his mother. "Is it a boy or a girl?"  
"I don't know yet, I'm not that far along," she answered, looking more at Tuomas than at her son. "Week ten, to be more specific."  
"Ten ..." he thought back. "The first night in Lapland?"  
"One of the nights in Lapland," Tarja corrected and Naomi shook herself.  
"Ew," she mumbled. "Can you please talk about something else?"  
The adults laughed.  
"Sorry, Naomi," Tuomas said and kissed Tarja's forehead. "Let's continue talking later."  
Tarja chuckled. She knew exactly what he meant with 'talking'. Naomi did too but she tried to ignore it. 

Tuomas looked at her. "I love you. You don't even know how much I love you. How happy I am that we met, how happy I am that we had sex that night ... I'm so happy that you conceived Jan ..."  
"Make love to me again," Tarja mumbled. "Show me again how much you love me."  
"Certainly," Tuomas mumbled and kissed Tarja's belly. It wasn't visible yet but he couldn't wait until it was. Until he could show her once again how much he wanted this baby as well. Just as much as he had wanted Jan.  
"Hello, baby," he mumbled. "Don't care about that the fact that your mommy is so old, okay?"  
"I hate you," Tarja mumbled and Tuomas looked at her.   
"You don't."  
Tarja smiled. They had had this conversation for so many times already.  
"I don't."

\---  
End of  
Hold You In My Arms   
Part III of the If We Ever Meet Again series.


End file.
